Which is more embarrassing? Getting found guilty of child molestation in high school or raping a pink float?

So, yesterday was a very eventful day in the local news circuit.  I almost have to do a top three list, because there were 3 really good stories.

3. Cedric Benson pleaded no contest to two misdemeanors in Texas and will start serving time during the Bengals' bye week.  Now, personally I think both charges were justified and he should have just gotten community service.  I just traded for him in fantasy football so he better not get suspended Mr. Goodell.  You need to get off of your power trip anyway.

2. A high school student at Colerain was convicted of raping two 10 year old girls.  That's horrible in itself but for some reason, he only got 10 years in prison for the crime.  In my opinion, rape is a worse crime than any other crime including murder especially to someone as young as these two girls.  I'm sure it will be a miserable 10 years in prison though as he will be raped repeatedly. How did he only get 10 years? Seriously.  He's probably somewhat sane compared to this last guy though.

1. A man was found having sex with a pink floating device.  What the hell?  The man jacked the float from someone's pool and took it into the alley and started having sex with it.  Who does that?  Is he that desperate?  How do you even do it?  Do you like console it first or take it out to dinner with small talk first?  Maybe you just force yourself upon it and rape it.  I think we need to put the Colerain guy and this dude in a steel cage match and see which one loses his erection first.

Winner of the day: Michael Vick.  Dude goes to jail for having dog fights, comes back, tears up the NFL like he was a pitbull going after a poodle, then he gets rewarded with a six year $100 million dollar deal.  Way to turn around your life Scooby Dooby Doo Mike Vick lookin' boy.

Had to go with the mugshot since there's a little theme going here.

Loser of the day: The Pink Raft.  First of all it got kidnapped out of its pool, minding its own business by some pervert trying to fill his sexual needs and desires.  The raft got taken to the back alley, and got violated in every way imaginable, then tossed away like it was a booty call.

Relief of the day: Finally traded away Chris Johnson and Matt Schaub to deepen my bench in fantasy football.

Quote of the day: "The best time to make friends is before you need them."-Ethel Barrymore