What Women Want, Hogzilla, Keychains, and Cell Phones

It is basketball season, and I haven't really written much about sports in a long time.  I think it may be because for some weird reason, most of my readers are females. I'm not complaining.  Growing up with two sisters and since I'm a momma's boy, I do relate to females and understand what they are thinking, or so I believe.  I've always liked "What Women Want" with pre-insane Mel Gibson. It is one of my favorite non-Matt McConaughey romantic comedies ever.  He was able to hear what every woman was saying.  It's a ridiculous romantic comedy from the 90's (I wish things were still like they were in the 90's on a side note. The world sucks now). 

Anyway, wouldn't it be crazy to hear what the opposite sex were thinking?  Well ladies, you probably wouldn't want to, because tapping into a man's brain would be like, "Sex. Sports. Food. Repeat."    But men, wouldn't it be cool?  That is if any man is reading this.  We will get to basketball in a second so hang in there.  My one beef with the movie is why would Mel's character (I'm terrible with character names so I will refer to them by the actor's names) choose Helen Hunt over Marisa Tomei?  Sure one works at a coffee shop while the other is a big shot at his company, but let's review here: 

                                Mel and Helen from the movie            Mel and Marisa from the movie

1. Marisa is way hotter than Helen. 
2. Marisa doesn't work with Mel so he can get a break from time to time.  
3. George Castanza blew it with Marisa on Seinfeld (I know this has nothing to do with proving my point but I did love that episode).
4. Marisa seems more fun and more willing to have a good time.
5. Helen is too uptight.

I get why he chose her though, because it was in the script.  And he was going for what he can't have which is attractive to most people (don't push the red button syndrome). Anyway, I'm getting way off track.  I planned on writing about basketball.  Everyone knows I grew up a fan of the Kentucky Wildcats college basketball team and I am a homer.  I follow all of their careers in the NBA.  My favorite NBA players are probably all Wildcats but I do like other players too.  I have decided to list my top five NBA non-UK players of all time.  It would be easy to put you know, Michael Jordan, Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, Magic Johnson, or Larry Bird.  But I like the under appreciated guys:

5. Karl Malone.  He's probably the best overall player on this list.  The guy was tough.  He was called the Mail Man, because he always delivered.  The guy lead his team to the finals a few times, but never won it all.  He is on my list because a friend of mine knew him and Karl actually got one of his finals teams to autograph a pennant for me. He also wrestled.

4. Dennis Rodman. He may be the greatest rebounder of all time.  They called him The Worm.  He has lived a crazy life but dude was as bad as he wanted to be.  He did whatever he wanted and didn't care what anyone else thought of him.  He won some titles.  He played with the Bad Boys in Detroit and with Michael in Chicago on the greatest team of all time.  He dyed his hair often which made him stand out.

3. Shquille O'Neal. Now how can you not love this guy?  He's a walking one liner.  His jokes are almost as funny as mine.  They called him The Diesel, which helped me develop the name, Pat Diesel for my cousin.  He was also a beast of a player.  He won multiple championships.  He also starred in Kazaam, where he played a 7 foot genie, and had a video game called Shaq-Fu.

2. Dikembe Mutumbo.  This dude was a block machine and he knew it.  The guy would wave his finger after blocking a shot and rubbed it in the face of whoever he blocked.  He is now in one of the funniest Geico commercials I have ever seen.  I just can't help but laugh when I saw him play or heard him talk.

1. Rasheed Wallace.  I never could figure out why he had that random bald spot.  He has a title and possible record for most technical fouls.  The dude was a badass and enforcer who could hit threes.  I remember his early days in Portland when he and Arvydas Sabonis would chuck up threes from all over the place.  I also loved when he played alongside my boy Tayshaun in Detroit.

Winner of the Day: Madeira High School. They busted ten high school girls for sexting.  One of them is as young as 14.  Back when I was 14, we all didn't all have cell phones.  The chunky Nokias weren't invented yet.  It almost got me involved in a fight one time.  Robert, my friend, was telling me this story walking home one day.  He was telling me about this weird guy was walking behind him while he headed to school.  The man asked Rob if he had a cell phone in his hand.  It of course wasn't a cell phone.  It was a key chain.  How the man got a key-chain and cell phone mixed up I have no idea, but this was back in the day so I guess it's plausible.  Rob was telling me this story after school and the dude  came from an opposite street, and said, "Hey dude. That was me."  I immediately ran.  I told I was going to go call the cops.  The man got up in Rob's face.  He didn't back down.  Some how Rob talked himself out of a beatdown.  Read about the Madeira students here.

Loser of the Day: Fox Chase Apartments.  This is the apartment complex right next to my condo complex.  A suspicious death happened there last night and now I fear for my life. Read the Story Here.

Quote of the Day: "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -Gloria Steinem

Song of the Day: "Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle

Hogzilla of the Day: