The Cheater AKA The Hypocrite
The Question: I need advice on something.... How do you forget about someone you care so much for, but doesn't care about you?
The Background: Ok. I was kinda
seeing this guy. The one I told you about from pof. I have been seeing him
since October. So, we said we were dating and he ended sleeping with someone
else and lied to me about then eventually told me about it ( after sleeping
with me first!!!) So, then we made an agreement that we would be together but
see other people, but only one other person besides us two. Well, one night he
came home with me and while I was passed out he went through my phone and
didn't like what he saw. Now, he acts like we never had anything. I have done
so much for him its not even funny and I care for him so much it hurts. I just
can't do it anymore, its emotionally breaking me down.
This is a picture off of Google and not the actual subject of this column.
My Advice: Wow, yeah that is deep.
The lying in the beginning for him is a big deal because he waited to tell you
after he slept with you. I mean early on in relationships people tend to paint
themselves in another light to make themselves seem better than they really
are. It's natural everyone does it. I read somewhere like 85% of people lie
about something in their first ten minutes of the first date. If you think
about it, it's kind of like how you make yourself look good in a job interview.
You fix yourself up, you only bring up good things about yourself, and on job
interview day, you are the best person you can possibly be even if it is a
little skewed from your true self.
With that being said, he didn't lie to you on
your first date, he lied to you until after you made whoopie with the dude. I
think that is worse. He is like a lot of men and don't realize how important
that step is. It attaches a women to him at a different level than they ever
were before. In this case I almost feel like he waited to tell you to have you
attached enough that you would agree to stay rather than break off the
relationship. He got what he wanted; to still have you but also to have someone
else which is disaster waiting to happen. No matter how much you tell yourself
you don't care (and this obviously happened with him) jealousy does creep up
and it will cause tension in the relationship and ultimately lead to its
demise, which is what happened in this one when he went through your phone. You may have put a lot of hours into this but honestly, I think you never fully got him back when he cheated on you.
He may have felt guilty and that's why he told you or maybe it was because he wanted to gain your trust back. Either way, it didn't make up for his betrayal. Being in an open relationship is difficult mostly for the reason of jealousy. It is always boiling inside, especially if you do so much for someone and they are off with another girl. That is hurtful, and he was being very hypocritical to you by leaving you after seeing your
phone. That's why open relationships struggle because no one is ever on the
same page. Now you are an emotional wreck, and you can't get him off your mind, which can kind of be attributed to the theory of you want what you can't have.
You've been fighting for this man since the
cheating phase of the relationship. It takes time to stop having feelings for
someone. As I stated many times, it takes about half of the amount of time to
get over someone as the relationship lasts. So you still have time that you
will be hurt. You must cope though, and learn from what happened. You should realize that it wasn't a waste of time and pick up the pieces. Honestly, as a woman, you deserve better than what he was giving you and there are better men out there willing to take your hand. The pieces of your heart, can and will be put back together. You don't even need all the kings horses and men to do so.
You just need to believe in yourself and move on. I think it is best for both
parties. I feel like if you continue on with him, and he ultimately accepts you
back, the relationship will get more and more miserable, and the point of life
and relationships is happiness, and if sadness and anger outweigh the
happiness, it's unfortunately time to move on.
Her response: Trust me, I
agree with you 100% its just so hard to try and move on because my feelings are
all still there and won't go away. Plus, I know he is seeing someone else and
that just hurts and pisses me off, because we had such good times together and
now he is just throwing that all away. I mean damn, I forgave him when he
fucked up.
My advice: I know he does
need to realize all you went through to keep him and the fact he's with someone
else makes it all the more hard. It makes you think, what the hell? Why wasn't
I good enough? When in reality, he's not good enough for you. The fun times are
hard to forget and you shouldn't. After all, they were an amazing part of your
life, and I understand the feelings are still there and are strong, but with
that being said, it's like worrying. There's no point in worrying because it
doesn't make anything better. There's no point in thinking about him, because
it won't make it better. Somewhere the feelings were lost on his end and it
takes two. I know it's hard to believe now, but the feelings will definitely go
away. You will get back on your feet. That is a promise. It's never easy to
part with someone you felt so close to. It seems like it will take an eternity,
but sooner than you believe things will get better and he will simply be your
past.
Her response: Yea, and I
know he needs to be my past, but honestly I don't want him to. I just want
things back to the way they were.
My Advice: I
unfortunately don't think they ever will. Sometimes what you want and what you
need are two different things. There is life out there beyond him and you need
to be strong.
Her response: Thank you
so much David. You have really made me feel better, I know you are right and
from this point on right now, I'm going to start being strong.
My conclusion: you're
welcome, I’ve been through having to move on before and it was never easy
especially for someone you have super strong feelings for. They will still
creep in the back of your mind but once you meet the right guy, those will stop
and you will forget all about this dude.
Another person also asked me for advice and it was a completely different situation than the previous one.
A Blast from the Past
The Situation: A man who was broken up with sent flowers a month later to the woman who broke up with him, proclaiming on the card that he had been thinking about her every moment of the past month, waiting on her to come back. The man also sent her a text saying, "hi." The thing is this guy was instructed not to contact this woman until she contacted him first. He agreed and had gone a month until last night when the flowers and text were sent. There is a new man in this woman's life and she assumed the flowers were from him and they ended up being from this guy from earlier. What should she do. For purposes of confidentiality, we will call the man Woody and we will call the woman Bo Peep.
Background: Woody was someone who Bo Peep met on a dating website. The first few dates were amazing and they hit it off well. Then life got in the way. Both were busy with work and Woody didn't make much time to get with Bo Peep. Bo Peep then kind of lost interest. Woody was off hanging with his best girlfriend and ex-girlfriend. Bo Peep didn't like this much so she basically told him it was over. Woody then got really creepy and started trying really hard to win Bo Peep back. Bo Peep wasn't having it. She ignored him more and more. Woody showed up at Bo Peeps house after sending flowers, but Bo Peep wasn't home. He would buy her item after item and try and get her to go on more dates. He also said in a card that there would be rough times and they can fight through it. They only have been dating for a small time and this card was for like a longer termed relationship. Anyway, Bo Peep finally met up with him and talked him into backing off, and said she would make first contact, which brings us to now.
My advice: Bo Peep should not respond. There is no need to open this can of worms. The guy, although sweet kind of seems creepy with the fact that he's been thinking of her all month. Some may say that's true love, but it does take two and the ship sailed on Bo Peep long ago. I feel like she shouldn't even talk to the guy because it gives him false hope and she is happy with this new guy so far and she shouldn't screw that up. Although it was a nice gesture, he needs to come to the realization it is the past and he needs to let it go. He didn't take the nice hints so sometimes it's best to take the harder way.
Winner of the Day: The people who checked this paper.
Loser of the Day: Riley Cooper of the Eagles. He used the "N" word saying he will fight every "N" here at a concert. It's the digital era Riley!!! Of course that will be taped by someone. Now all your teammates and all of the league want your head and I don't blame them. You ruined your image.
Quote of the Day: "All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy."
Song of the Day: Cheater, Cheater by Joey + Rory
Overweight Animal of the Day:
