From the Reader:
- My best friend Javier and I have had some issues in the past with me liking him and him liking me when the other didn't have the same feelings. I think we both got caught up in thinking that it's perfect for best friends, like we are meant to fall in love.
- Well in the past year he and I have gotten much closer, like he is seriously the best guy friend I've ever had. We just grew up a lot together. But the biggest thing that makes him so important to me is that "he saw me when no one else did"
- I've changed a lot physically, lost a ton of weight and stuff...suddenly guys look at me differently, which is flattering but also ticks me off because only my exterior changed, my personality is about the same.
- He was my best friend all along, he liked me when I weighed 40 pounds more and he likes me the same now. He looks at me the same way he did before, which means a lot to me. He was a true friend all along, liking me for me.Anyway, now that you've got our history...the problem is that since the summer everyone has kinda been hinting that he and I are perfect together, we should give it another shot, bla bla bla. But I'm 100% comfortable with where we are, I picture him coming over to my house 10 years from now and my kids calling him "Uncle Javy" not Dada!
- He and I can talk about anything, so I brought it up.
- He was understanding and agreed he and I are just
- friends. But then his cousin tells me that I'm all
- he talks about and that he sees a future for us,
- he just needs to give me time. After hearing this, I
- had to make my intentions clear again. So we
- talked again, this time he was short with me,
- seemed irritated. I was very sensitive to his
- feelings, and just kinda stated that I didn't want
- to lead him on. The thing is, he is the first one that
- I talk to in the morning and the last one at night. I have
- like 5 different (lengthy) conversations with him each day.
- He ended our "talk" with "well maybe we shouldn't talk
- so much anymore, goodnight"...
- Then we didn't speak for almost 2 days. I couldn't stop thinking about him the entire time. Kept waiting for him to call or text me, wondering if i hurt him or if we just needed space...I realized I am waaaay dependent on him. It was like we had broken up. We've resolved things...kinda. But I'm struggling with understanding my heart. Did my heart hurt because I thought I lost my best friend? Or because I was scared to lose more than just a "friend"?
My first question is if either of them got a girlfriend or boyfriend would things begin to change? I'd have to believe that is the case in this situation. You never really know but if you get a significant other, that cuts into your friends' time male or female. The issue with this case is this...they once were attracted to each other in that way and chose to bury the feelings. The reader states that when they get in arguments, it almost feels like a breakup. It sounds to me that Javier was hoping for a relationship all along and hid his feelings and allowed a friendship to blossom which it did. She can't force the feelings though. If they aren't present you can't date Javier just because he gave you an ultimatum. After the final talk, their friendship is definitely tested, probably more so than ever before. Javier seems to have fallen for the reader but she obviously sees him as a friend. He did see her when no one else did, but that isn't reason enough to date someone. In order to date someone, your entire heart has to be into it. You can't go 98% of the way. You have to give your all and be willing to give your entire heart to the person. You can't have any doubts. O-Town said it best, "Is it all or nothing at all?" Dating a best friend is tricky. It's doable and a lot of successful relationships bloom out of friendships, but both parties have to be willing to commit and jeopardize a long friendship. If things get shaky after and they break up, who is the reader going to go to about it? Because Javier would normally be that person. Their friendship may end up healing after some time and should with as close as they are, but it depends on the circumstances of the breakup. There is a chance, they'd never break up, and with as important he is to her this would be a strong possibility. He seems to have planned out a future with this girl but the girl cannot date someone she sees as an uncle. That has to go away before any of this happens. There is also the case of jealousy if they remain best friends like I mentioned in the open. Can one friend absolutely accept and fairly judge the other's significant other? Javier may have a lot of trouble if it came to that, but as a true friend I think he could, but it would be really hard to give a fair shake to any guy the reader dates. And to answer her question about her heart? That is something only she can answer...from all the evidence it seems like she missed her best friend. Her friend said something hurtful and male or female it stings. She had to be honest with him upfront so he didn't get the wrong idea. It's only fair to him. It will hurt him here in the short term but in the long run, I could see the friendship mending unless he was mascarading as a friend the whole time to be with which I don't believe is the case. Her heart would be hurt either way, but I could also see her realizing at any moment, like a Eureka kind of moment, "Wow, I really am into him." I've seen that happen in relationships before and it just comes out of nowhere. If that happens I'd hope he'd be willing to give it another shot. Life's about taking chances, however. She has to make a decision, keep things the way they are, or give it a shot. Yeah she can grow to like him, but it's not fair to him if she dates him and nothing grows out of it and she stays in it because they are such good friends. My advice would be to at least hold off until your heart is all the way in it. It's not fair to either party if you don't. And if you feel the don't know what you got 'til it's gone feelings, then revisit where your friendship/relationship is at that point and re evaluate. The reader's heart doesn't seem into it yet. She could get there but right now if she dated him, it would be because of his feelings and not her own. She has to respect herself enough to hold back.My Advice:
- Quote of the Day: "Attraction is not a choice."-David DeAngelo
- Song of the Day: Got Whatever it Is by the Zac Brown Band
Dating Cartoon of the Day:
No comments:
Post a Comment