David's Brain, the V.I.P. Section: Why do we Love Sports, Madonna, and John Stamos controls the weather

Why do we love sports? Is it because only in sports would a Wildcat and a Cardinal not like each other? Is it because tubas dot "i"'s or because men in tights are considered tough? Is it because it gives us a chance to relive the glory years by giving grown men the chance to wear jerseys again? Is it because a strike could mean 10 pins in bowling or a swing and a miss in baseball? Is it because eye black would have no other use? Is it for the math? Most sports are filled with statistics, physics, and standings. Is it to gather with 90,000 others who share the same passion as you do? Is it to watch people jump and tomahawk dunk at 5'7? Is it to escape from real problems in the world? Is it just to have fun? Is it for the love of the game? Is it for the moments like Kerri Strugg in the 1996 Olympics or Joe Carter's walk-off in the World Series? Is it to give you something to talk about over a water cooler? Is it for loyalty? Sports give you a reason to bleed a color other than red. They make your heart beat fast in the final seconds of an intense battle. They give you hope for next year even if the last was the worst you've seen. They teach you discipline, and how to have heart. They bring out the best in most and the worst in some. They are the 15 over the 2, The Blackout over the Red Team, the Patriots over the Rams, a kid being cut from his high school team becoming the best player to ever dawn an NBA uniform. Sports are Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and proposing to your girlfriend in the stands. They are money makers, agents, and sell-outs. They are millionaires, and back yard games where no one is around. They're getting picked last and hitting the game winning shot. They are believing in each other and being part of a team. Sports give you an excuse to tug on your ear and play with walkie talkies. They inspire. They make you laugh and make you cry. They are like an old girlfriend. They break your heart and make it better the next day. Without sports, we'd have to pay closer attention to politics. Can you imagine how boring that would get? Sports are buffaloes roaming on a 100 yard field, bulldogs biting opponents, and big furry things doing hula-hoop dances in the stands. They're tennis matches that last three days and a Tiger rising and falling in golf. They are sweat pouring off your face when no cameras are around to prepare yourself for one special teams tackle in a big game that means everything. They are war paint and broken fingers. Scars that last forever and bruises that never go away. Sports are leaping just enough to rob a home-run and taking a charge against a guy twice your size. They are throwing a mean wiffle curve, and earning a nickname at Rucker Park. Sports are Whitney Houston singing the National Anthem amazingly and Roseanne Barr butchering the same song. Harry Carey singing 'Take me Out to the Ball Game' and Howard Cosell saying 'Down goes Frazier.' They are Lou Gherig giving his luckiest man on the face of the Earth speech and Magic Johnson announcing he has H.I.V. They are the Babe calling his shot and Muhommed Ali floating like a butterfly. Sports are Gatorade showers and champaigne baths. They are resurrecting careers and has beens and never will bes. It's the designated hitter debate, and Pete Rose breaking the sacred rule of baseball. They are T.O. obliterating teams and Chad Johnson changing his name. They are Joe Louis shocking the world and Jesse Owens sticking it to Hitler. Sports are Cheese Heads and Dog Pounds, Big Red Machines and Steel Curtains. Sports are reality TV, drama, action, and comedy all rolled into one. Sports are The Dream Team, The Big Hurt, The Stilt, The Matrix, Chocolate Thunder, and White Chocolate. There are Pokeys and Pee Wees; Corkys and Tractor Trailers. They are Tim Tebow winning despite the talent. Heck sports are the whole Tebow phenomenon. Sports are Friday night lights and Monday Night Football. Most of all, sports are fun...so why do we love sports? The question should be what would we do without them?

Winner of the Day: Madonna. Yes Madonna, now basically a robot with dangily skin, will be performing at the Super Bowl. The question is will A-Rod be feeding his ex popcorn like he did what's her face last year since Madonna will be singing? They should've just gotten Lady Gaga. She's at least still got a pulse.

Loser of the Day: The sun. For God's sake, can you never win a day anymore. Rain makes people gloomy and it's rained more than anytime in the history of Cincinnati this year. Please sun, come out. I know that John Stamos controls the weather and he's been kind of out of the spotlight lately, but if you could come out. You don't even have to be warm. Just clear the clouds.