David's Brain, the V.I.P. Section: If Mike Tython Grew up ath Me: Part Deux

So after hearing many spectacular reviews of my original Mike Tyson blog about if I didn't exist and he lived in my shoes written as if he was speaking outloud in a journal or diary of sorts, I decided to do another just like it. Here was the original written May 30, 2013: Here ith the link thupid. Open it to wead my sthenthative blog ath Mike Tython.

The Mike Tython ath David Bwookth Diaries Part Deux.

Deaw Diawy:

Thith ith your boy Mike, You know one of the baddeth men on the whole wide planet? I bit a dudeth ear off for Chritht thaketh, but thomething ith weally weird diawy. I have no memowy of any of thoth thingth I did in my life, All the fownacating I did with all thoth bitchy women. Diawy I feel like I am in a whole new life now.

I have thith father who ith crazy diawy. I have never met a man tho intimidating yet tho thweet. He ith the thweeteth tough guy I have ever met diawy. I could never do that in the pweviouth life that I feel like wath all a dweam. I cannot balanth being sthweet and being nathty. But diawy, in thith new life I am twying to have a sthenthative thide. My dad, big Dave ith sthowing me the way.

My momth, sthe'th jutht the sthweetetht lady on the planet. Sthe alwayth doeth the right thing. Diawy, I thruggle wif that sthepific thing. In thith new life diawy, I watch the birdth feed their young and I think about the miracle of life diawy. There ith sthomething about life bigger than any one perthon. Diawy, life ith about making otherth happy. Mean sthomething. Be thomebody. Do the right thing, right? If I could take back all thethe howwible memorithesth about my old damn life, I would diawy. I do have a sthenthative efically wight mind in there sthomewhere. My mother isth the key. I get thith fwom her and I admire her every day diawy. I love her.

I have two sthisthersth diawy. People tell me, Tharah and me look a lot a like which maketh no darn sthcence becauth I am a large black man, with a bad assth tattoo on my facthe that maketh me look terrifying. Stharah alwayth meanth well but she isth a little bossthy. She ith alwayth telling me what to do diawy. I am not uthed to that. I'm uthed to telling people I want to eat their childwen and then doing it. Tharah ith a monsther thometimeth but she meanth well. She is like my besthd fwiend in a way. She playth video gameth and sportsth. She is almostht the bwother I never had.

My other sthisther ith Lauwa. Not Lora. Lauwa. She getth pissthed if you call her Lora. All Lauwath do stho sthart getting it wight. She is a reading machine. And she alwayth have your back no matter what diawy. I want you to know that. She's alwayth there to get me if I had a bad night out pawtying and she is alwayth looking out for me with my diabetethes when I'm not taking care of mythelf. Diawy she detherveth more credit than I give her.

Diawy, I work in inthurance. It is a lot diffewent than boxing. I feel like in my path life, I pounded peopleth headth in but I've been having thethe bad dweamth about sthome dude named Buthter Douglath. I feel like he had sthoemting to do wif my old caweer, before I woke up in thith new life.

Diawy, what ith the deal wif Justhin Bieber? Doeth he think he isth hardcore, becauth he hath a arm sthleeve tattoo? You awen't even hardcore until you get a damn facthe tattoo man. I wanna cee him in the sthreeth thomeday and I would pound him fwom here to Michael Jackthon'th Neverland Ranch. I misth Michael Jackthon. In my old life I feel like I wath one of the thwee mosth famous Michaelth of all time, along with Mr. Jackthon and Mr. Jowdan. I play on a bathketball team, but we aren't on the Bullth level. We just play in an alumni tournament in Bellevue. Man Bellevue is nothing like Vegath. The honeyth there are 10'sth. In Bellevue the ladieth average around 5. There are a few good looking oneth there though. I have a particular 10 in my mind wight now. Wouldn't you like to know who it is diawy? Well too bad, ith a sthecret even from you.

Well diawy, Itsth about time I go and watch thith wonderful nature. I want to watch the birdth fly. I want to sthee the deer run through the wild foresth. I want to see salmon flying through a wild wiver. Diawy I want to appweciate thith world we live in. Life isthn't that bad. We are all lucky God shtelected usth to be on thisth planet and it is gloriouth. Be a good perthon. I got a second chance and I'm going to make it count Diawy. Living asth thith other perthon isn't so bad. I gueth what I want to sthummarize ith that no matter what you go through diawy, thisth life ith valuable and you can rebound. I pwomisthe thith. Do sthomething for thomeone elthe. You will get thith wawm feeling inthide diawy. I'm working on being the betht perthon I can be.

Winner of the Day: The deep freeze. Jesus. This weather has been crazy this winter. It's the coldest one I can remember since I have been alive, so I have to give Mr. Freeze or Mother Nature or whoever choses this weather to burst everyone's pipes across the country.

Loser of the Day: Lance Armstrong. Why? Because he's a loser every day. Him and Ryan Braun. It's not cool to lie about what you're doing either way, but to throw innocent people under the bus? That's where you become a very low person.