Black and Milds, a little sports, and Top 10 video game characters with Swag

So, I've been thinking.  When I walk these mean streets of Downtown Cincinnati, there is always someone smoking a Black and Mild down here.  And boy do these things smell good.  I'm totally not into smoking them. In fact I'm allergic to smoke, so I never will smoke the darn things, but the smell is divine.  What I was thinking about is this: why do they not make Black and Mild smell in an air freshener for your car or house?  Why not make a plug-in with the smell of Black and Mild so you can smell it without dying of lung cancer?  How about Black and Mild cologne, and Strawberry Swisher perfume?

Anyway, that is my idea of the week.  If the folks at Middleton's can handle my request I would be grateful although it may backfire and I would smell like an ash tray or nightclub all the time.  In other news, the Bengals were said to have a pretty good draft this weekend.  Those of you who know me, know that I am passionate about the Reds, Bengals, and UK Wildcats. Would it be something if the Wildcats won # 8 which already happened, the Reds won the World Series which Sports Illustrated predicted pre-season, and the Bengals somehow pulled off a miracle and won the Super Bowl all in a row?  I know I'm dreaming but it is possible for the first time since birth.  All three weren't this good at the same time in my lifetime.

Back to the draft... The Bengals drafted Dre Kirkpatrick with their first pick.  He's a cornerback with a lot off hard hitting skills...the only thing that concerns me is that his nickname is Swag.  Swag?  Seriously? Does this guy think he's Jay-Z or something?  Now the Bengals have a Pac-Man and a Swag in their secondary.  It got me to thinking, which video game characters have had the most swag through the years?  Pac-Man had some until Mrs. Pac-Man came out and was way faster than Old Faithful.  Here's a list of the top 10 video game characters with swag according to me:

10. Jigglypuff.  Okay so here come the Pokemon nerds telling me Jigglypuff is a nobody in that game.  Well I'm here to tell you, the ball of fluff has swag.  Have you seen the hats this unisex creature pulls off in Smash Brothers?  How about its ability to put people to sleep on demand.  It flies and rolls in, literally. Swag points out of 10: 5.8

9. Bowser.  He's from the Super Mario Bro's series of video games.  This guy blew fire and caused havoc on the Italian plumbers for years.  You mess with fire you get burnt, Mario.  He has kidnapping on his rap sheet along with calling the shots over legends such as Koopa Kid and Boo. Bowser's almost a Don in Mario World.  Swag points out of 10: 6

8. Scorpion. Mortal Combat's own.  He is a boss from the game and what can be better than an undead ninja seeking revenge for family death and his own?  The guy dresses in swagger clothes so well Kanye West would be jealous. Swag points out of 10: 6.5

7. Tommy Vercetti.  This is the guy from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.  The guy was a shot caller by the end of the game, coming from nothing doing odd crime jobs.  But who doesn't like a guy who just goes around causing havoc stealing cars and picking up hookers?  He lives the life of a rap star. Swag points out of 10: 7

6. Donkey Kong. He's big, he's an ape, he's strong, and he eats bananas that give him energy like steroid pills.  This beast has been known to rip out the heart of Mario before joining forces with him and becoming a good guy in current games.  His swag can be felt from early Nintendo systems all the way to the Wii.  Swag points out of 10: 7.2

5. Zangief from Street Fighter.  This is not the most popular street fighter character, but he brings swag and force to the arena.  The beard and the mow hawk is a nice touch.  Swag points out of 10: 7.3

4. Earthworm Jim.  Yeah he's an earthworm, but yes he saves the world all the while balancing his flimsy body.  He has swag oozing from him, literally.  He'll rip your face in if you make fun of his outfit.  Only people with swag can wear such things. Swag points out of 10: 7.5

3. The boy from Zombies Ate My Neighbors.  Before the zombie craze became popular, this dude was saving the world from the zombie apocalypse all the while wearing 3-D goggles and a skull t-shirt.  He needed help from his apparent sister but this guy took out zombies without a manual or Ving Rhames. Swag points out of 10: 8.5

2. The unnamed shooter from Doom.  It was one of the first first person shooters ever and this guy beat up Satanic figures and demons and didn't give a damn doing it.  His attitude is what gives him the swag.  All you know about his looks is the face down in the bottom of the screen.  I remember spending hours playing this game as this unnamed guy, and you got to have a lot of swag to have 1 name.  Well....top no name then! Swag points out of 10: 9

1. Mario Mario.  First off, having the same last name as your first has even more swag than American Idol's Phillip Phillips' name.  I thought about naming my son Brooks Brooks that would be cool.  Hopefully the future wife wherever you are agrees!  The mustache, the chilling in sewers, the stash of coins, the eating of mushrooms, the chilling with the brother, the saving the hot princess, the riding of dinosaurs.  All of that is the definition of swag. Swag points out of 10: 10

The Return of David's Brain

Today is the day.  I have decided to come out of semi-retirement and start writing again.  Many of you who know me hear me say I retire from several things from volleyball to playing a certain video game, but I come out of retirement more than Michael Jordan and Brett Favre combined.  

When you love something so much, it's hard to give it up.  I've enjoyed writing since I first began holding a pencil...I gripped it wrong when I first learned, and still hold it the same way today.  I prefer pens though, because when you write with a pencil it hurts my ears for some reason almost as bad as when you erase a chalkboard.  Thank God they started replacing chalk boards with dry erase boards because I can handle that noise.  I have sensitive ears.  I think it can be attributed to me being a soft person.  I always call myself a finesse player when I'm playing sports from volleyball to basketball or even football.  I rarely show emotion, too.  People can't really tell when I'm happy or sad, but that's a good thing.  Anyway let me get back on track...You know how in the movie Elf, how Santa's sleigh functions on whether or not people believe in Mr. Kringle?  Well I believe I run on writing down my thoughts.  It's almost my escape from the cruel world that we all call home.  With that being said, I haven't written much because of the lack of negative energy in my life, so it's hard to find inspiration.   

Since I last wrote, Dick Clark died, Peyton Manning became a Bronco, Tim Tebow became a Jet, Major League baseball began, my Wildcats won the NCAA Tournament, Trayvon Martin was killed, Mitt Romney knocked Santorum out, Pat Summitt retired, The NBA stopped being locked out, another 60 Minutes anchor died, the secret service got busted for having a bunch of prostitutes, Whitney Houston sang her last song, and so many other items of business I'm sure I'm forgetting but who really cares?  I truly don't know how often I'm going to write, when I'm going to write, or what I'm going to write about.  All I know is I'm back from the dead and you guys will hopefully read because every once in a while I craft a legendary post and it goes viral.  These are few and far between, but my loyal readers will read when my post sucks or when it is a knockout.  

I just want to go over a few things that absolutely bust my balls to start off this wonderful return to the bloggosphere.  Why make a facebook page for your pet? I mean seriously.  I understand that the internet has apparently an infinite number of space, but facebook pages for your pet is a little overboard.  You know what else busts my balls?  When you have to change your password and you still type in the old one every time you want to log-in. I get the whole idea of hackers and all that, but it's hard to change every month and by the time you think you have it remembered, it's time to get a new one.  And I absolutely HATE captcha.  Captcha is that ridiculous type the code in thing so we know you're actually human.  They make them way too hard to read that even me, a human, can not figure them out half the time.  You know what really busts my balls? When someone says, "Are you kidding?" when you are trying to tell them something really serious. "No. I'm not kidding!!! Why would I make up something like that???!!" Pitbull also busts my balls.  I can't stand his style (who wears gloves and shades all the time with a leather jacket except that dude?), his lyrics, his rapping, his voice....nothing is good about him.

Winner of the day: This fish, because he has a point.  Basically the moral is don't smoke unless you are a fish. 

Loser of the day: Kanye West, because when he breaks up with Kim Kardashian, he will somehow be more hated than he already is.  I mean look at Chris Humphries.  He was a nobody in the NBA and he divorced Kim and he became more hated than LeBron and Kobe.

Quote of the day: "There's nothing as exciting as a comeback - seeing someone with dreams, watching them fail, and then getting a second chance."-Rachel Griffiths


Song of the Day: I'm Back by T.I.

Advice of the day: Be a good person.  There is a such thing as good Karma.  Earn yours.