If Mike Tython Grew up ath Me: Part Deux

So after hearing many spectacular reviews of my original Mike Tyson blog about if I didn't exist and he lived in my shoes written as if he was speaking outloud in a journal or diary of sorts, I decided to do another just like it.  Here was the original written May 30, 2013: Here ith the link thupid. Open it to wead my sthenthative blog ath Mike Tython.

The Mike Tython ath David Bwookth Diaries Part Deux.

Deaw Diawy:

Thith ith your boy Mike, You know one of the baddeth men on the whole wide planet? I bit a dudeth ear off for Chritht thaketh, but thomething ith weally weird diawy.  I have no memowy of any of thoth thingth I did in my life, All the fownacating I did with all thoth bitchy women.  Diawy I feel like I am in a whole new life now.

I have thith father who ith crazy diawy.  I have never met a man tho intimidating yet tho thweet. He ith the thweeteth tough guy I have ever met diawy.  I could never do that in the pweviouth life that I feel like wath all a dweam.  I cannot balanth being sthweet and being nathty. But diawy, in thith new life I am twying to have a sthenthative thide. My dad, big Dave ith sthowing me the way.

My momth, sthe'th jutht the sthweetetht lady on the planet. Sthe alwayth doeth the right thing.  Diawy, I thruggle wif that sthepific thing.  In thith new life diawy, I watch the birdth feed their young and I think about the miracle of life diawy.  There ith sthomething about life bigger than any one perthon.  Diawy, life ith about making otherth happy.  Mean sthomething.  Be thomebody.  Do the right thing, right?  If I could take back all thethe howwible memorithesth about my old damn life, I would diawy.  I do have a sthenthative efically wight mind in there sthomewhere.  My mother isth the key.  I get thith fwom her and I admire her every day diawy.  I love her.

I have two sthisthersth diawy.  People tell me, Tharah and me look a lot a like which maketh no darn sthcence becauth I am a large black man, with a bad assth tattoo on my facthe that maketh me look terrifying.  Stharah alwayth meanth well but she isth a little bossthy. She ith alwayth telling me what to do diawy.  I am not uthed to that. I'm uthed to telling people I want to eat their childwen and then doing it.  Tharah ith a monsther thometimeth but she meanth well. She is like my besthd fwiend in a way.  She playth video gameth and sportsth. She is almostht the bwother I never had.

My other sthisther ith Lauwa. Not Lora. Lauwa.  She getth pissthed if you call her Lora. All Lauwath do stho sthart getting it wight.  She is a reading machine.  And she alwayth have your back no matter what diawy.  I want you to know that.  She's alwayth there to get me if I had a bad night out pawtying and she is alwayth looking out for me with my diabetethes when I'm not taking care of mythelf.  Diawy she detherveth more credit than I give her.

Diawy, I work in inthurance. It is a lot diffewent than boxing. I feel like in my path life, I pounded peopleth headth in but I've been having thethe bad dweamth about sthome dude named Buthter Douglath. I feel like he had sthoemting to do wif my old caweer, before I woke up in thith new life.  

Diawy, what ith the deal wif Justhin Bieber?  Doeth he think he isth hardcore, becauth he hath a arm sthleeve tattoo? You awen't even hardcore until you get a damn facthe tattoo man. I wanna cee him in the sthreeth thomeday and I would pound him fwom here to Michael Jackthon'th Neverland Ranch.  I misth Michael Jackthon.  In my old life I feel like I wath one of the thwee mosth famous Michaelth of all time, along with Mr. Jackthon and Mr. Jowdan.  I play on a bathketball team, but we aren't on the Bullth level.  We just play in an alumni tournament in Bellevue. Man Bellevue is nothing like Vegath. The honeyth there are 10'sth. In Bellevue the ladieth average around 5. There are a few good looking oneth there though. I have a particular 10 in my mind wight now. Wouldn't you like to know who it is diawy?  Well too bad, ith a sthecret even from you.  

Well diawy, Itsth about time I go and watch thith wonderful nature.  I want to watch the birdth fly.  I want to sthee the deer run through the wild foresth.  I want to see salmon flying through a wild wiver. Diawy I want to appweciate thith world we live in.  Life isthn't that bad.  We are all lucky God shtelected usth to be on thisth planet and it is gloriouth. Be a good perthon.  I got a second chance and I'm going to make it count Diawy.  Living asth thith other perthon isn't so bad.   I gueth what I want to sthummarize ith that no matter what you go through diawy, thisth life ith valuable and you can rebound.  I pwomisthe thith.  Do sthomething for thomeone elthe. You will get thith wawm feeling inthide diawy.  I'm working on being the betht perthon I can be.

Winner of the Day: The deep freeze.  Jesus.  This weather has been crazy this winter.  It's the coldest one I can remember since I have been alive, so I have to give Mr. Freeze or Mother Nature or whoever choses this weather to burst everyone's pipes across the country.

Loser of the Day: Lance Armstrong.  Why? Because he's a loser every day. Him and Ryan Braun.  It's not cool to lie about what you're doing either way, but to throw innocent people under the bus? That's where you become a very low person.

Quote of the Day: "Change is not an event. It's a process."-Cheryl James

Song of the Day: "That's What Friends are For" by Dionne Warwick and Stevie Wonder. 

Snapple fact of the Day:

Lion attack of the Day:

Making Soap, a blogging challenge, football stuff, Home Ec and a whale pic.

One of my favorite covers of all time on any movie is Fight Club.

The iconic soap cover.  Why is the cover of a movie about a fight club have a picture of soap on it? Well if you haven't seen the movie, this question has probably come to mind.  If you have seen it you know that Tyler Durden makes soap in his home.  He uses lard from a liposuction clinic and a few chemicals and makes these bars of soap and sells them to department stores. Now, according to the movie you can change one detail in the recipe and make bombs or something, but I don't know if that's true nor do I care to look it up because this blog isn't about that, it's about the fact that Tyler Durden made soap. It's not challenging at all actually, and in the ancient world people found their clothes to get cleaner in certain parts of the water.  This, according to Fight Club, was because in those parts of the water human sacrifices were made, and they're stuff from their bodies was called lye and if you combine it with the saltiness of fat you can make some pretty legitimate soap.

Now most of you aren't following where I'm going here, I'm sure.  I'm not putting making soap on my bucket list or anything.  Honestly I'm allergic to most soap.  I use Dove which isn't technically soap I believe.  It's actually a moisturizer which if you've seen my elbows or my scalp lately, you know I need.  I am pumped when there's a snowstorm out so no one knows how bad my dandruff is.  I use Head and Shoulders but it's never helped me honestly.  I wonder what will happen when I go completely bald?  Will I still get dandruff? Is that even possible?  I'm getting off track.  Today is really slow at work , so I challenged a close friend of mine to give me an off the beat blog topic to write about.  Lately I've not really been doing the comedy blog thing although sometimes my awesome sense of humor seeps through the cracks of many of my blogs, so I wanted to write something that I could have a little fun with.  Well the topic I was challenged with was homemade items.  Now let's face it people I'm not a homemade person at all.  Like I literally cooked chicken for the first time a couple weeks ago if you want to call that homemade.  I am a creative person, but I don't really know how to make much.   I took Home Ec in 7th grade and that's the last time I ever had to do anything regarding making things.  I had to make a pillow.  It turned out pretty good, except I definitely didn't hold a steady line on the seam or anything but I did okay.  I did make my whole group fail on a French Toast project though, which I know how to make if you follow my Instagram @DavidBrooks1985 you would see current lovely French Toasts which I'm a beast at.  I can't really cook much so I'm proud of my breakfast skills. I just went back and looked and couldn't find any French Toast pictures so maybe I shockingly never took them but below you can see my pancakes I made.

I made my group fail because I put a piece of French Toast in the batter or mixture or whatever you call it and it literally sucked up all the batter.  We were supposed to have enough for 5 pieces, but all of our batter was sucked up by one slice of damn bread.  I still feel bad for it to this day.  

Well anyway, part of being me would be to broaden my horizons a little bit and learn how to do more crafts, and make more things.  Soap could be super fun to make and if it makes me just as cool as Tyler Durden than I think I would be going in the right path.  My friend will be teaching me how to make a candle and I look forward to that.  First of all I have a Sentsy thing my sister got me as a housewarming gift and I had no idea how to get the old wax out, so I just put my new scent in there and it caused this super funky smell in my house that I need to fix! So it will be cool to get that fixed up with my new smelling personally made wax or whatever along with a super awesome candle.  I am a candle guy and I look forward to experimenting with scents.  As a man, there needs to be lots of ways to disguise a smell and I have some smell ideas I will have to talk over with my candlestick maker friend to see if they will work.  And there it is, my blog on homemade stuff!

Winner of the Day: Champ Bailey. He's been in the NFL for 15 years.  He is one of the greatest cornerbacks of all times and will be going to the Hall of Fame.  He made is first Super Bowl yesterday and as far as the Super Bowl goes, I will be rooting for his team, the Broncos

Loser of the Day: Richard Sherman.  The dude was very outspoken about how Michael Crabtree was talking smack about him.  He took a few shots at the receiver on his postgame comments.  I mean dude, seriously you just made the Super Bowl.  Be happy about that.

Quote of the Day: Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. - Robert Brault

Song of the Day: "I'll be There" by the Jackson 5

Whale Photo of the Day:

David AKA So-Crates the Philosopher, My Country Lyrics, And Doing it My Way.

So this wasn't really a New Year's resolution or anything, but sometime in the past few months I've been living the philosophy I've been preaching since they started calling me So-Crates at sand volleyball back in 2009. Yes, that's a Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure reference if you picked that up.

I've always been one of those people others come to for advice.  I always picture myself as that Rafiki-like guy in the movies who has these wise cracks that people see as wisdom to live by.

Maybe I'll have a long gray beard and incense burning while people come to me.  I'll probably have a velvet robe, stunna Oakley aviator shades, and a bad ass diamond studded grill because I would want to give my advice in style but maybe I'd get rid of the incense because I'm allergic and the stench would get in my robe.

 But anyway, I started living my life how I wanted. I'm just going to do what I want.  I mean I'm still going to be an ethical person and follow morals, but I'm not going to care what others think of me in any way.  I have strong opinions about things and I don't really back down.  You can read about several of them I have written about in past blogs, but I haven't really just put myself out there.  I haven't been myself.  I've always been an image of what society expects me to be.  I'm not that anymore.  I'm still a gentleman, I'm still chivalrous, and I still believe you should treat every woman you run into like a princess.

With that being said that's not what I was meaning by living how I want.  I'm just getting out of this box I put myself in by doing the 9-5 thing, well actually 8-4:30 thing and just going home and being boring.  I'm going to put myself out there and do things I've always wanted to do.  Life is too short to not be who you want to be and after my scare with my damn diabetes I started realizing not to take any day for granted.  I want every day to be better than the last and I can't achieve that by not being myself.  I want to see the Great Pyramid at Giza before I die (Of course I have to wait for the fighting to stop in Egypt first).

I want to write a movie script good enough to send to Hollywood.  I want to pay for someone's meal behind me in a drive thru.  I want to stop eating fast food.  I want to produce a rap song. Not just the Phathead KingofCOV stuff but an actual song.  I can write lyrics pretty well and we all know I have flow.  I want to meet John Malkovich. I want to stand for something.  I want to give anonymously.  I want to be remembered for being a good person. I want to help cure diabetes.  I want to move people with the words that I write.  I want to make a stranger smile every day.  I want to make my friends laugh to the point of tears but I warn you I'm so funny it may hurt after a while.  I want to get deeper into faith and listen to my heart more.  I want Jesus to be my homeboy, and God to be my dude.

I have worn this crucifix around my neck every day since I received it for Christmas while I was still in high school.  A painting of Mary hangs on my wall to protect me and was given to me for that purpose after my lung collapsed by some wonderful people.  Sure I was drunk once and made out with the photo, but that isn't blasphemous at all! I want to be a better person each day, and I want to keep a smile on my face.  I want to stay happy and optimistic. I want to do it my way like Frank Sinatra.

I don't want to mask and hold in my problems. I want to be able to talk about them.  I'm glad I have this forum and wonderful readers like you to listen.  I want to talk less and listen more.  I want to look at the stars and be hypnotized by how wonderful this universe is.  I want to learn more and write more and learn to play an instrument other than the snare drum in 7th grade. Gosh I remember when the Yeti powerbombed Tony Cummings into a chair in 7th grade before a band concert and knocked out his tooth.  Tony was a trooper though! He went on stage after. I want to learn from the past but remember the good times.

There are so many other things I want to tell you guys, but I'm writing this because I wanted to share this country song I wrote.  I wrote the lyrics and I am having a work friend's minister write the music for it and possibly sing it for me.  I was very inspired by God writing this and it kind of brought me closer to him.  It has a lot of pain I've gone through in my life and I wrote it thanking God for helping me through it.  This relates because I just woke up the other day listening to country music, George Strait, Luke Bryan, etc. and I wanted to write a song. I've always written rap song but country captures the down home feel and it tells an amazing story.  I've written before about how I believe rap and country are very similar in roots and have very similar qualities in a 2011 blog, http://davidbrooks1985.blogspot.com/2011/09/is-rap-music-bears-vasolene-kills.html. Rap and country both tell a story and both are based on territory and love, and they both talk about struggle.  Tupac writes about the pain he went through and his life struggles.  Listen to George Jones. It's the same thing. Nelly gets it, and so does Ludacris.  They are crossing over in songs, and Jason Aldean had a huge hit that was more rap than country.

Anyway, I could write for hours on this subject, but here's the song: I promise it will be way better once you can hear it!!

Thanking Him

(Verse 1)

As I look out on this beautiful sky,

I thank god that I'm still alive,

I've been through hell and back again,

My lung collapsed when I was ten,

God's tested me in many ways,

And I'm thankful I wake every--day,

He gave me a crutch a couple years later,

Diabetes still didn't convert me to being a hater,

He helps me fight through all that is wrong,

And I'm thanking him-- by writing this song....

(Chorus)

I got a good head on my shoulders and a mom who loves me,

Whether life throws a boulder or a sting by a bee,

He's there walking me through when times get tough,

Calming the storm when the waves get rough,

And I thank god...

I praise The Lord...

I thank Jesus...

I praise The Lord.

(Verse 2)

He was there for me when I took my first ride,

When the bicycle chain twisted I thought I had died,

He helped me up and he dusted me off,

He's also the medicine I need when I have a cough,

He's the gps navigating when I lost my way,

He's a forgiving spirit when I forget to pray,

He's that inspirational tune when you're kinda down,

He's the company you need when you're alone in this town,

He's with you through distances whether short or long,

And I'm thanking him.... By writing this song...

(Chorus)

I got a good head on my shoulders and a mom who loves me,

Whether life throws a boulder or a sting by a bee,

He's there walking me through when times get tough,

Calming the storm when the waves get rough,

And I thank god...

I praise The Lord...

I thank Jesus...

I praise The Lord.

(Bridge)

Verse 3

There are countless events he has helped me through,

But don't forget... He's there for the good times too!!

Like my first home run in a little league game,

And that sunny spring morning when my mom first said my name,

He placed me in the great country U. S. Of A.

And I have a family who loves me each day,

We take him for granted but he's always there,

Whenever you need him he will always care,

When you are at your weakest, he will stay strong,

And I'm thanking him... By writing this song...

(Chorus) I got a good head on my shoulders and a mom who loves me,

Whether life throws a boulder or a sting by a bee,

He's there walking me through when times get tough,

Calming the storm when the waves get rough,

And I thank god...

I praise The Lord...

I thank Jesus...

I praise The Lord.

(Spoken) And I am thanking him.... By writing this song. Thank you Lord

Winner of the Day: The Minnesota Vikings.  They landed my favorite coach from the Bengals as their head coach today, Mike Zimmer.  He's a great man and coach.  The scene where the Bengals won after he lost his wife is the most powerful scene I've seen in football back in 2009. He will be missed here after he leaves and I will be rooting for him.  I'm a Mike Zimmer fan.
The locker room<<click there to see Zimmer in the locker room.

Loser of the Day: Curtis Reeves. This man killed a man in a theater for texting during the previews of a movie. Now isn't this a little extreme? It's getting a little scary to go to the movies with all the shootings. Link >>> http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/14/justice/florida-movie-theater-shooting/index.html

Quote of the day: I just need to tell you a few things. You always listen to your mother. You understand? Do what she tells you to do. She’s your best friend. You tell her you love her every day.
You’re too young for girls right now, but… there’s going to come a time. When it does, you treat them like princesses. ‘Cause that’s what they are.
When you say you’re going to do something… When you say you’re going to do something, you do it. Because your word is your bond, son. It’s all you have.
And money. You make money if you get a chance, even if you got to sell out once in a while. Make as much money as you can. Don’t be stupid like your father. Everything is so much easier with money, son.
Don’t smoke.
Be kind to people. When somebody chooses you… We talked about this. You stand up. You be a man.
You stay away from the bad things, son, please. Don’t get caught up in the bad things. There’s so many great things out there for you.
I’ll never leave you. I’m always with you. Right there. I love you, son.

-John Q. (Denzel Washington as John Q.)

Song of the Day: Grillz by Nelly ft. Paul Wall Ali and Gip.

Man Bear Pig of the Day: