I am a lost boy from Neverland Usually hanging out with Peter Pan And when we're bored we play in the woods Always on the run from Captain Hook "Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me, "Away from all of reality." I am a lost boy,
From Neverland,
At least thats what I dream about,
I'm from the hood no reason to pout
Lucky to get a toy,
Sometimes the belt,
sometimes the hand,
Gotta be strapped if you go out,
Coming home tonight, there's doubt,
Why can't I go to Neverland,
Hang with Peter Pan, I am a lost boy from Neverland Usually hanging out with Peter Pan And when we're bored we play in the woods Always on the run from Captain Hook "Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me, "Away from all of reality."
R.I.P. to homie Harambe, shows you if you don't watch out, you'll be a zombie, Those kinda shootings happened every day on the block
mid afternoon, didn't matter sh*t going down at 2 o clock
I wish I were in Neverland where gorillas don't get shot,
where the good people last and the bad guys get caught, I am a lost boy from Neverland Usually hanging out with Peter Pan And when we're bored we play in the woods Always on the run from Captain Hook "Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me, "Away from all of reality."
I'll take down Capn' Hook with my gang banger skills,
Hang with the Lost Boys and they don't pop pills,
Like the dudes in the streets, hustlins all i see,
if I stay much longer I may end up like Harambe,
Shot because I'm not on the right street,
Shot because I'm not quick on my feet,
Please let me get to Neverland,
I wanna roll with Peter Pan,
and try to take out Captain Hook,
And write a new ending to my book, I been spending most my life, Living in a Gangsta's Paradise.
Because I'm 23 now, will I live to see 24
The way things is goin I don't know... I am a lost boy from Neverland Usually hanging out with Peter Pan And when we're bored we play in the woods Always on the run from Captain Hook "Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me, "Away from all of reality."
When life hands you lemons you make lemonade. On my birthday in 2011, the first day off of my parent's health insurance plan, I had a miniature breakdown. I was working security at the DHL airport and I was working 6 nights a week. Working the strange shifts they gave me left me as a zombie. You are never really awake and you are never really asleep. My mind was always on auto-pilot. I was hitting a wall. I wasn't taking good care of myself and I really had no real reason to live.
On that day in 2011, my birthday, it all came to a head. I was standing, wanding people as they headed into work and BOOM! my blood pressure began to skyrocket. I went down to a knee. My blood sugar rose to the 300's as well. I had no clue what was going on. A co-worker of mine called for the supervisor. They called them lieutenants there for some reason, but whatever. The lieutenant called 9-1-1 and I took the squad to the hospital. This day was my rock bottom. I can honestly say it was one of the worst day in my life. All of my bills were going to have to be paid out of pocket because I had no health insurance. My health, itself was not important to me.
I kind of just gave up. When you have type 1 diabetes, it's hard to explain, but it affects you in ways no one understands but other diabetics. It tugs at your psyche. It is like carrying a rock on your back up a hill. Every day. Every single day. Some days are clear and some days are storming, but every day you start at the bottom of the hill carrying this boulder on your back. This disease has no mercy. This disease has no breaks. It breaks you down. It makes you disciplined. It affects your relationships and your social life. It affects every aspect of your life. There are days I wake up fatigued and days I feel fine. On May 12, 2011, everything crashed and burned and there I was, sitting in the hospital, wondering what I had to do, to make it.
Fast forward to today, May 12, 2016, my 31st birthday. I am here. I made it out of that dark place I was in. Hard work was part of it, but there are many reasons why I am here and in a happy place. Firstly, angels. Yeah, not the halo, flying angels on stained-glass windows, real life angels. I am not a very religious person. I grew up Catholic. I went through all the sacraments and I wear a crucifix on my neck every day. But I don't actively practice. But people throughout my life have shown up to make me laugh, to cheer me up and to carry me when I need carrying. I can't thank them enough for this.
Secondly, friends and family. To me, family are friends and friends are family. They've seen me go through some stuff, man. Like, life or death stuff. They've also seen me triumph over all of that. They make me laugh and make me smile every day. I'd give you all a shout out but you know who you are.
Thirdly, my fiance. Amy has been there for me since I met her a couple of years ago. We have been engaged for a year now and she puts me before herself often. I'm high maintenance and very needy. She doesn't care and is happy to help me.
Finally, attitude changed everything. That day in 2011 when I went to the hospital, I was pessimistic about life. I didn't see a point in fighting anymore. I saw no hope. I hated my job, I hated my diseases, I hated the way I treated myself. That day, I chose to take better care of myself. I woke up everyday with a positive attitude. I went back to trying to make someone smile every day. I realized making others happy makes me happy. You know how in Elf, Santa's sleigh runs on believers, well I run on smiles. Then, Shelli Hill. She helped me get on at Great American, I was able to get on for the benefits and it literally changed everything. I didn't have to spend thousands every few months out of pocket on insulin. I was back and better than ever.
Now, I sit in front of you five years later, a better person. A disciplined person. A happy person. Hopefully, a good friend to everyone I meet. A stronger person. A loving person. A funny person (although Amy would tell you otherwise). I always tell people, I'm so sweet God made me a diabetic. I have to live up to it, and I'd be lying if I told you I do everyday, but most days are good days and I am thankful to God for blessing me with these 31 years and I am so grateful everyday.
This is devastating news for me. Pfife Dawg, from A Tribe Called Quest, a fellow "funky" diabetic, died at 45 from complications due to diabetes. He had bad kidney issues and received a transplant in 2008.
It always pains me to hear news like this because I know how hard the daily struggle is. This disease is not easy and it gives you no breaks. It takes many too soon, like Pfife and comedian Patrice O'Neal (My blog I wrote about that). A battle is being fought everyday. Devin Daley and Brandon Berne along with myself know this all too well. Rest in Peace, Pfife. Everyone's a Q-Tip fan but to me, you were always my favorite. You were influential in the music world and the diabetes world and this world will never be the same without you in it. Lisa Emerson Masterson, mother to Ian Masterson, a recently diagnosed type 1 diabetic, told me one time, "there's just something about type 1 diabetics. They are all super nice. It's just something about them." And to be honest, every juvenile diabetic I have ever met are like the nicest people on Earth. Maybe it's because our pancreases do not secret insulin, our bodies are inundated with sugar which makes us super sweet. I actually think though, that we were chosen because we are tough. We have the ability to endure it. God made us patient. God made us kind. God made us diabetic because we can handle it. There are days we don't feel like getting up. There are days we need help from loved ones like Amy Moses, and my sisters, Laura and Sarah.
The struggle is real, but life is worth fighting for. Pfife is a legend in the hip-hop world, and he passed away from diabetes. I believe there are no diabetics in Heaven and the chains weighing us down on Earth are shed once we get there. Pfife is there where he can have all the carbs he wants and doesn't have to worry again. He is missed here on Earth, but will never be forgotten. Today will be a Tribe day. I will be listening to "Oh My God" and "Check the Rhime" when I finish this post as they are my two favorites. RIP Malik Isaac Taylor.
The American culture is going down the wrong road. Too many people in this world do not accept responsibility for their actions. If a teacher gives a child a bad grade, it's the teacher that is the issue. If an athlete doesn't start, the coach is holding a grudge. I am tired of the "me" generation. People expect to pass exams for medical school now for showing up with no effort to studying. This culture has gone crazy. You can't tell someone "no" without being sued or having someone "call your bluff." A lot of these police killings could be avoided if people just listened to the police in the first place. I struggle with people who believe the are entitled for whatever reason. We are all held to the same damn standards. When we were kids, if we got a bad grade, it was our fault. Now, blame the establishment, blame the government, blame the system. It's never the child's fault. I saw a clip of American Idol, where a girl was crying because she was one vote short. The girl ended up getting the vote. What are we teaching these people? When they cry, give in? How will anyone ever become great? How will this country have discipline? Your child isn't perfect. Don't treat them like they are. I saw a clip where a team has to leave a basketball league because they are "too good." I guess the other teams don't want to be tested. How can a team be too good? I used to be involved in sports where my team was drilled. There were lessons in that. Now it's, "You can't beat my little angel that way." I just laugh out loud at that and people wonder why our country is no longer number one. We have become a culture of babies, softies, and wimps. What would Abraham Lincoln say of this country now? Do not participate in the "me" culture. Hold yourself accountable if you do something wrong.
