David's Brain, the V.I.P. Section: December 2018

I have blogged off and on since way back in 2005 on Myspace. I came across some of my old posts today, from those old blogs and thought I'd dust off the old keys on this laptop and write a bit. David's Brain, the V.I.P. section hit it's peak in 2011 when I wrote almost daily. I would come on here off and on to talk about sports, write my own lyrics to popular songs or bring awareness to type one diabetes. Since 2011, I've somehow gotten over 32,000 views with no real topic for my posts.

If your only outlet to this world is reading my blogs, then I am sorry I haven't had a post since April 26, 2017 and that was a tiny blog about ESPN Layoffs. There are broken links, pictures and gifs throughout my blogs, but I don't think they change the points of the blogs I used to write. I want to start keeping up with this regularly again. I may bring back my winners and losers of the day as that was a popular section of my blogs. I would also do top 5 lists which I want to bring back starting today. To get back into the groove, let's do a top 5. Today, I am going to do:

Top 5 Celebrities Who Would Make Your Christmas Party More Eventful

Honorable Mentions

Charlie Sheen

I didn't say it was going to be legal. Just eventful. Can you imagine doing white elephant with this guy in your circle? You could open the gift and it could be a hooker or a block of cocaine.

Deion Sanders

When I was growing up, this man could do no wrong. He was good and he'd tell you he was too. He would high step right into your party and make you dance to Christmas Rappin' by Kurtis Blow.

Top Five

5. Guy Fieri

If you know me, you know it is in my mind Guy Fieri is a partying machine. I once had a friend that no matter what you did when you went out with him, it would be one of the craziest nights of your life. That's what it would be like if your Christmas Party went to Flavortown. Fieri would tell his cheesy one line jokes while slamming your egg nog and stealing your girl.

4. Miley Cyrus

Eventful is not always a good thing. As I think Guy would be a trip, Miley coming to your party would be a trip... to the ER. She does all of this for attention and she is the cliche child star head case, girl was known to throw it down at parties. She'd come in like a wrecking ball and "do what she wants." Chestnuts won't be the only nuts roasting on an open fire if you invite Miley.

3. Justin Bieber

I'd be lying if I didn't used to think this kid was a douchebag who did bad things just to be the cool kid. I think he egged Keyshaun Johnson's house or something like that, and I know he's been busted for street races, and I know he's been a jackass and the butt of many jokes but I actually think he'd be fun to have a Christmas party with. I could see myself now trying to do the Ludacris part from "Baby" with my wife looking at me like, "Dave, don't embarrass me in front of the Biebs like that."

2. Ocho Cinco

Okay, I'm kind of being a homer here, but here me out (or really read me out). This guy single handedly brought fun back to being a Bengals fan. He made it fun. If he can make a stale team with a stale owner cool, what could this man do for your Christmas party? On the 5th day of Christmas Ocho would bring you Five Golden Teeth. He wouldn't take anything too seriously and he would be cool if you catered McDonald's. No need to get fancy with him. You doubt this decision? Child please.

1. Tommy Wiseau

So this guy is still Hollywood's biggest mystery. They made a movie about him because he made the worst movie ever made. He spent millions on making "The Room" and no one knows how he made his fortune, where he's from or how old he is. This guy would drop dollars on your party and you could party in style. Santa may not be played by the best of actors (Tommy may want to do it himself) but this guy is so strange, all of your guest will leave the party more puzzled than when they met this man. If you haven't seen The Disaster Artist or The Room, both are must sees.

Winner of the Day: The Cincinnati Bearcats Basketball Team. On a night where their team honored former coach Bobby Huggins, the team dismantled the UCLA Bruins on national TV to show they may be a force to be dealt with come tournament time.

Loser of the Day: Jake Walter. Son of former Bengals player Joe Walter, Jake, a 7 foot center for Cov Cath was destined to go to Xavier, however he never enrolled. Turns out a couple of weekends ago, Walter is alleged to have raped someone against their will using his size to not let her go and laughed and said something like you will get over it.

Link to the cincinnati.com article