My 27 Years, Condos, and Hog Genius

I'm going to be 27 years old this month, on May 12.  Wow. 27.  Where did the years go?  I still remember being 5 and playing in my first t-ball game.  I remember meeting David McDaniel when I was 4 and we thought it was so cool that we had the same name and lived so close together. I remember Sarah being born and being trained with a My Buddy Doll. I remember picking on Dustin Trimnell when David, my cousin Mikey and I got a little older down on Vine Street in Dayton.  I remember the Mini Market and how Carol made the most delicious cheese bread.  I remember playing some form of tag football for over 200 straight days. I remember my lung collapsing at a Bengals game when I was 10 years old and fearing making it through the night. I remember rolling with Earl Willis then with Steve Foster.   I remember moving and the hardcore wrestling matches with Chad Mangan, Ryan Smith, Brent Merman, and the arch nemesis, Matt Woodward.  I remember Vets baseball and Rescue 911.  I remember first hearing the news I was diabetic, and crying more than I ever have before or since. I remember the Phathead Shuffle coined by Adam Isaacs, and the Phathead nickname coined by Ryan Smith.  I remember U.F.B.A. with Robert Bartholomew and Stuart Watton. It's creation still remains secret.  I remember striking in Spanish II until George W. Bush was announced president in 2000.  I remember the B-Town Lo-Down and how it started my love for video editing.  I remember JV baseball and the dumb and dumber play.  I remember running the entire length of the Bellevue Vets way too many times.  I remember having hardcore matches in the weight room. I remember working 2 days at Wendy's, then 4 days at Krogers (during which I saw Rob's milk incident), followed by getting a job I worked at for 3 years at AMC.  I remember dating Ashleigh Linnemann and falling in love for the first time, and of course the breakup too :(.  I remember graduating high school and wrapping my arm around Dakota Brown as we celebrated as we walked.  I remember going to NKU and my first class being so intimidated because I couldn't understand a word my Japanese professor said.  I remember fighting with Robert and the stalemate than ensued and then with Stuart.  I remember mending fences with both.  I remember watching my sisters graduate high school and filming the 2006-2007 Lady Tigers One Shining Moment Video.  I remember the Pat Diesel era. I remember moving in with Robert and watching shows like Hog Genius.  I remember my 21st birthday and trying to wash off the tally marks so my mom didn't see how many shots I had.  I remember bowling every night after work with the AMC folks. I remember becoming friends with April Reckley and her helping with all the advice I need. I remember Mitch Hammond coming into my life and changing it for the better.  I remember graduating college alongside my sister, Laura, and April. I remember getting this job at Great American and being the most grateful person there is.  I remember Mindy Merritt being there to help me with any question I have.  I remember Nicolette Stefanapolos entering my life at the exact right time when I needed a jump start.  I remember trying my best to be the best person I can be through it all.  I remember slipping up a few times but all of my friends being there to keep me on the right path, and most of all my family helping me through it all.  And with the 27th year on this planet....a new chapter:


So today it begins.  My actual search for a condo.  Due to laziness and lack of a family up to this point in my life, I came to a conclusion that a condominium is best for me over a house.  I'd also like to put my money toward something so I can sell it later when I do need a bigger place for a family later on down the road, but for now, I begin my journey on the hunt for a condo--for real.  I've already been pre-approved for a loan so all that is left is finding what is perfect for me.  I'm not going to settle until I find somewhere I love.  I don't really want to move out of Campbell County unless I absolutely have to.  I don't need a large kitchen because God knows I can't cook.  I love to eat, but can't cook.  Any of you angels out there who know how to cook, I'm single ;) and that's how you win me over! 


I think pigs are unappreciated.  Not pigs as in cops or pigs as in fat people, like pigs pigs.  They're smart animals.  They learn quicker than a dog. Years ago, when I lived with Robert Bartholomew who lives the married life now, we saw a show on National Geographic.  The show was simply titled, "Hog Genius."  We had to watch it because how do you flip past such a show?  The show pointed out that the pigs will basically do anything for food.  Well I know what you're thinking, "David, well that's you too."  You would be right but that is besides the point.  The show had pigs solving this ridiculous computer game in seconds to receive food.  It took almost a month to train a dog on the same game.  They gave a pig a golf ball and it managed to know to get it in the hole to win a prize.  It would try to roll it up but had difficulty so it picked up the fake hole and put it over top of the ball!  Anyway hogs fascinate me.  Their snouts adapt.  If they escape and become wild, there snouts will grow longer, rather than the short, fat snouts we are used to.  Orson Welles had it right with Animal Farm.

Black and Milds, a little sports, and Top 10 video game characters with Swag

So, I've been thinking.  When I walk these mean streets of Downtown Cincinnati, there is always someone smoking a Black and Mild down here.  And boy do these things smell good.  I'm totally not into smoking them. In fact I'm allergic to smoke, so I never will smoke the darn things, but the smell is divine.  What I was thinking about is this: why do they not make Black and Mild smell in an air freshener for your car or house?  Why not make a plug-in with the smell of Black and Mild so you can smell it without dying of lung cancer?  How about Black and Mild cologne, and Strawberry Swisher perfume?

Anyway, that is my idea of the week.  If the folks at Middleton's can handle my request I would be grateful although it may backfire and I would smell like an ash tray or nightclub all the time.  In other news, the Bengals were said to have a pretty good draft this weekend.  Those of you who know me, know that I am passionate about the Reds, Bengals, and UK Wildcats. Would it be something if the Wildcats won # 8 which already happened, the Reds won the World Series which Sports Illustrated predicted pre-season, and the Bengals somehow pulled off a miracle and won the Super Bowl all in a row?  I know I'm dreaming but it is possible for the first time since birth.  All three weren't this good at the same time in my lifetime.

Back to the draft... The Bengals drafted Dre Kirkpatrick with their first pick.  He's a cornerback with a lot off hard hitting skills...the only thing that concerns me is that his nickname is Swag.  Swag?  Seriously? Does this guy think he's Jay-Z or something?  Now the Bengals have a Pac-Man and a Swag in their secondary.  It got me to thinking, which video game characters have had the most swag through the years?  Pac-Man had some until Mrs. Pac-Man came out and was way faster than Old Faithful.  Here's a list of the top 10 video game characters with swag according to me:

10. Jigglypuff.  Okay so here come the Pokemon nerds telling me Jigglypuff is a nobody in that game.  Well I'm here to tell you, the ball of fluff has swag.  Have you seen the hats this unisex creature pulls off in Smash Brothers?  How about its ability to put people to sleep on demand.  It flies and rolls in, literally. Swag points out of 10: 5.8

9. Bowser.  He's from the Super Mario Bro's series of video games.  This guy blew fire and caused havoc on the Italian plumbers for years.  You mess with fire you get burnt, Mario.  He has kidnapping on his rap sheet along with calling the shots over legends such as Koopa Kid and Boo. Bowser's almost a Don in Mario World.  Swag points out of 10: 6

8. Scorpion. Mortal Combat's own.  He is a boss from the game and what can be better than an undead ninja seeking revenge for family death and his own?  The guy dresses in swagger clothes so well Kanye West would be jealous. Swag points out of 10: 6.5

7. Tommy Vercetti.  This is the guy from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.  The guy was a shot caller by the end of the game, coming from nothing doing odd crime jobs.  But who doesn't like a guy who just goes around causing havoc stealing cars and picking up hookers?  He lives the life of a rap star. Swag points out of 10: 7

6. Donkey Kong. He's big, he's an ape, he's strong, and he eats bananas that give him energy like steroid pills.  This beast has been known to rip out the heart of Mario before joining forces with him and becoming a good guy in current games.  His swag can be felt from early Nintendo systems all the way to the Wii.  Swag points out of 10: 7.2

5. Zangief from Street Fighter.  This is not the most popular street fighter character, but he brings swag and force to the arena.  The beard and the mow hawk is a nice touch.  Swag points out of 10: 7.3

4. Earthworm Jim.  Yeah he's an earthworm, but yes he saves the world all the while balancing his flimsy body.  He has swag oozing from him, literally.  He'll rip your face in if you make fun of his outfit.  Only people with swag can wear such things. Swag points out of 10: 7.5

3. The boy from Zombies Ate My Neighbors.  Before the zombie craze became popular, this dude was saving the world from the zombie apocalypse all the while wearing 3-D goggles and a skull t-shirt.  He needed help from his apparent sister but this guy took out zombies without a manual or Ving Rhames. Swag points out of 10: 8.5

2. The unnamed shooter from Doom.  It was one of the first first person shooters ever and this guy beat up Satanic figures and demons and didn't give a damn doing it.  His attitude is what gives him the swag.  All you know about his looks is the face down in the bottom of the screen.  I remember spending hours playing this game as this unnamed guy, and you got to have a lot of swag to have 1 name.  Well....top no name then! Swag points out of 10: 9

1. Mario Mario.  First off, having the same last name as your first has even more swag than American Idol's Phillip Phillips' name.  I thought about naming my son Brooks Brooks that would be cool.  Hopefully the future wife wherever you are agrees!  The mustache, the chilling in sewers, the stash of coins, the eating of mushrooms, the chilling with the brother, the saving the hot princess, the riding of dinosaurs.  All of that is the definition of swag. Swag points out of 10: 10

The Return of David's Brain

Today is the day.  I have decided to come out of semi-retirement and start writing again.  Many of you who know me hear me say I retire from several things from volleyball to playing a certain video game, but I come out of retirement more than Michael Jordan and Brett Favre combined.  

When you love something so much, it's hard to give it up.  I've enjoyed writing since I first began holding a pencil...I gripped it wrong when I first learned, and still hold it the same way today.  I prefer pens though, because when you write with a pencil it hurts my ears for some reason almost as bad as when you erase a chalkboard.  Thank God they started replacing chalk boards with dry erase boards because I can handle that noise.  I have sensitive ears.  I think it can be attributed to me being a soft person.  I always call myself a finesse player when I'm playing sports from volleyball to basketball or even football.  I rarely show emotion, too.  People can't really tell when I'm happy or sad, but that's a good thing.  Anyway let me get back on track...You know how in the movie Elf, how Santa's sleigh functions on whether or not people believe in Mr. Kringle?  Well I believe I run on writing down my thoughts.  It's almost my escape from the cruel world that we all call home.  With that being said, I haven't written much because of the lack of negative energy in my life, so it's hard to find inspiration.   

Since I last wrote, Dick Clark died, Peyton Manning became a Bronco, Tim Tebow became a Jet, Major League baseball began, my Wildcats won the NCAA Tournament, Trayvon Martin was killed, Mitt Romney knocked Santorum out, Pat Summitt retired, The NBA stopped being locked out, another 60 Minutes anchor died, the secret service got busted for having a bunch of prostitutes, Whitney Houston sang her last song, and so many other items of business I'm sure I'm forgetting but who really cares?  I truly don't know how often I'm going to write, when I'm going to write, or what I'm going to write about.  All I know is I'm back from the dead and you guys will hopefully read because every once in a while I craft a legendary post and it goes viral.  These are few and far between, but my loyal readers will read when my post sucks or when it is a knockout.  

I just want to go over a few things that absolutely bust my balls to start off this wonderful return to the bloggosphere.  Why make a facebook page for your pet? I mean seriously.  I understand that the internet has apparently an infinite number of space, but facebook pages for your pet is a little overboard.  You know what else busts my balls?  When you have to change your password and you still type in the old one every time you want to log-in. I get the whole idea of hackers and all that, but it's hard to change every month and by the time you think you have it remembered, it's time to get a new one.  And I absolutely HATE captcha.  Captcha is that ridiculous type the code in thing so we know you're actually human.  They make them way too hard to read that even me, a human, can not figure them out half the time.  You know what really busts my balls? When someone says, "Are you kidding?" when you are trying to tell them something really serious. "No. I'm not kidding!!! Why would I make up something like that???!!" Pitbull also busts my balls.  I can't stand his style (who wears gloves and shades all the time with a leather jacket except that dude?), his lyrics, his rapping, his voice....nothing is good about him.

Winner of the day: This fish, because he has a point.  Basically the moral is don't smoke unless you are a fish. 

Loser of the day: Kanye West, because when he breaks up with Kim Kardashian, he will somehow be more hated than he already is.  I mean look at Chris Humphries.  He was a nobody in the NBA and he divorced Kim and he became more hated than LeBron and Kobe.

Quote of the day: "There's nothing as exciting as a comeback - seeing someone with dreams, watching them fail, and then getting a second chance."-Rachel Griffiths


Song of the Day: I'm Back by T.I.

Advice of the day: Be a good person.  There is a such thing as good Karma.  Earn yours.

What if......

One of my favorite rap songs ever is a song called "What If" by Fredro Star.  It inspired me to write this:

What if I was born 100 years ago?
Would I have lived this long?
Would there have been medicine to save me?
Would the doctors have diagnosed me wrong?
What if Twitter existed in 1991?
How would the athletes be?
Would Magic still announce on television he had HIV?
What if Amy Winehouse never overdosed?
She may never have been the best singer in the world but she'd be close.
What if Axel never had Slash?
What if Paris never had cash?
What if no one ever found Bernie's 9 billion dollar stash?
What if George Clooney stayed in TV and never left ER?
What if Whitney never did cocaine?
Would she still be a star?
What if Mike Vick never got busted?
Would he still be in Atlanta?
What if Christmas was more about Jesus-would kids believe in Santa?
What if Kanye never interrupted Taylor on stage?
What if inflation considered minimum wage?
What if Tim Tebow was black?
Would he get this many shots?
Or would he be buried on the depth chart and left to rot?
What if Facebook was down?
for 11 months a year?
Could you imagine all the voices you actually might hear?
What if steroids were allowed in the 4 major sports?
Records would be shattered.
No athletes at the Supreme court.
What if cancer didn't exist?
No more chemo. No more drugs.
What if marijuana was legal?
No more buying from street corner thugs.

What if Ron Paul became president?
Would we find a reason to hate?
Would all the young one's supporting him
stick by his side when policies are late?
What if I never bought that first cell phone?
Would I be alone?
Would people still want to be around me if the shirt on my back was all I owned?
What if Jesus didn't rise from the dead?
Would people believe in him then?
What if skinheads grew their hair out?
What if Stimpy didn't have Ren?
What if we didn't have a Revolution?
Still under English rule.
What if Ohio State merged with Michigan and became one school?
What if JFK didn't get shot, no matter who it was by?
What if Bill Clinton never had his affair
and told his stupid lie?
What if David Tyree dropped it,
instead of pinning it to his head?
The Pats would've been the champs,
but it was their only loss instead.
What if I never read Silverstein?
Would I ever want to write?
What if  Tiger never cheated?
He and Elin would still be tight.
What if Charlie didn't go crazy?
No more winning, no more insane.
What if there is no God?
You couldn't use his name in vain.
It's a crazy would we live in,
I think about it sometimes,
when I sit here out of boredom
my questions turn into rhymes.

David Brooks and his Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day.

Wow, I need to clear the cobwebs off of this thing.  It has been a while since I last wrote a blog.  I lost inspiration and the desire to write.  Some events in one's life will re-ignite the flame.  It has been said that 4 out of 5 comments about a product or service are complaints.  When things go well, one doesn't feel the need to compliment.  In some ways, this is the problem with society.  People don't see everything one does right.  They see the one thing that person does wrong.  Yes, we are all guilty of complaining about the wait being too long at a restaurant, or the food being too cold.  We've complained that Francisco Cordero can't close games well enough for what the Reds are paying him.  We complain about traffic, and the way others drive.  We complain about the price of movie tickets and gasoline.  We complain about almost everything but there's always the other side.  Now normally I look at that other side.  I give people the benefit of the doubt.  I am very patient.  I am sure very few of you have ever seen me lose my temper.  I will wait when there's a wait at restaurants and never complain of my food being cold.  Maybe it's just because I hate the thought of someone spitting in my food and the hatred of confrontation, but I never complain.  I see Francisco Cordero as an asset.  He was in the top 5 in Save percentage since he was with the Reds.  I never complain of traffic because what if someone is seriously hurt at the end?  They had a worse day than you.  Give a little, and if someone cuts you off, just let it go.  What's the point of escalating it in to something that could end up bad for both of you, and don't blame movie theaters for their high prices.  The only money they really make is on concession and those prices are through the roof due to inflation.  The movie ticket money goes mostly to the movie producers, directors, and talent. Now gasoline, I can't defend because it's frustrating that we have to buy oil from these people who basically just toy with us.  We use way much more oil than anyone else in the world though.  The gap is more than Anthony Davis' block total compared to 2nd place this season in college basketball. I'm getting off track because this blog isn't about gasoline or crappy waiters, but it does have to do with customer service...something I can't defend.  


Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment.  I took off work about a half of an hour early to make it on time.  I've been having some twitching in my feet and stuff I wanted to get checked out, not really any severe pain, but more like an annoying constant thing, like mist compared to rain.  Anyway I arrived no later than five minutes late.  I had to stand behind a guy wanting to make an appointment for his hemorrhoids.    He was a slower talker than Wilford Brimley.  The guy kept complaining about having to see a nurse practitioner rather than his regular doctor (who was on maternity leave).  By the time I got to the sign in sheet, it was 10 minutes after my scheduled appointment at the latest.  The lady signed me in, and gave me my sheet to take back to the doctor.  I then played the waiting game, as normally done at the doctor I believe to be intentional to get you sick with what everyone else has in the waiting room to get more money from you, but that is not proven. Anyway, I watched as everyone began clearing out of the waiting room, including the people after me 15 minutes went by, then 30.  I started to grow concern, but with me as patient as I am, I waited.  45 minutes passed and a woman who didn't even have an appointment got taken in before me.  An hour went by and then it was time to ask about what was with the wait.  I saw the associate lie straight to my face,  "I don't think I checked him in.  I have him as a no call, no show at 4:30."  They preceded to tell me that my doctor had left and there's no one else who could stay and see me.  First of all I was there long before 4:30 and the lady did check me in.  I had proof from the paper she gave me.  Secondly, how dare you lie right to me to save your own butt?  The customer is always right, and when others started asking about what happened behind the desk I let it be known that the lady had checked me in.  She made a mistake and didn't want to own up to it.  All I really wanted was an apology and to make it right.  In reality, they were rude.  "Well, why don't you just stay for after hours?  It's only 45 minutes from now."  Umm lady, I've already been sitting here an hour from your mistake.  Aren't doctors supposed to help someone who's in need anyway?  Not one of them could stay and look at me after I waited an hour?  It was mostly that she didn't admit her mistake that made me mad.  Just apologize even if you think you're right.  How could you lie and make me look like an idiot in front of all of your co-workers?  St. Elizabeth sucks all around.  They are getting too big for their own britches.  I went home, cooled off and went back in for after hours reluctantly.  I knew at after hours, they don't thoroughly look at you.  I was right.  The guy basically said I have too many problems for him to figure out what was wrong and I needed to see my primary doctor.  I informed him that I tried and failed.  He said I would have to follow up.  So I just wasted a bunch of money and time for no peace of mind?  I get it.  You want me to stay sick for money.  I hate to complain but I had no choice.  I see why 4 out of 5 comments are, "don't go there; the food is nasty," instead of "Gosh, Mike Brown did a heck of a job building this team; I'm going to go to a Bengals game next year."  I'm still going to give people the benefit of the doubt but not yesterday.  I can't.

Breakfast at Taco Bell, Me in the Kitchen, Taping kids up at work, and Hugo

I must start with this because, quite frankly I don't know what to think...Taco Bell introduced a breakfast menu at nearly 800 restaurants in 14 states today.  They plan on having breakfast at 5,600 locations nationwide by 2014.  Some places I can't even look at in the morning, and anywhere that sells Mexican food is on that list.  Well Taco Bell isn't Mexican food and I hate that kids think that Taco Bell is Mexican food.  Are they going to sell gorditas and cheesey beefy melts at breakfast? By lunch time, we'd all have the runs.  Everyone's stomach would be unsettled by noon.  Think about this, have you ever felt good after eating Taco Bell? No.  Have you ever been hungry and said, Taco Bell sounds delicious? No.  Do we all for some reason still eat it from time to time? Yes. Does David's Brain know the answer to such a question? No.  But I do know this: when I was 16, I had this Spanish teacher who was from Mexico..  It was her first year teaching there and frankly she didn't know all too much English.  We taught her the English language as much as she taught us Spanish.  Well anyway, we would have these fiestas from time to time and we'd all have to bring in these Mexican dishes.  I would always go in with John Holmes, no not that John Holmes you perverts, and he'd make guacamole.  He knew he was going to be absent for the next fiesta, so I was on my own.  I couldn't cook anything but ramen noodles, french toast and pizza at the time (nothing has really changed in that department).  This teacher would always complain how terrible Taco Bell's food was, so what.  I went through the drive-thru, ordered 11 soft tacos, which is all the people we had in the class, unwrapped them and served them at the fiesta.  The teacher, a Mexican native, said they were the most delicious tacos she'd ever had.  Anyway rambling about this reminds me of home ec in 8th grade.  I am not known for my cooking skills which is why I need to find me a lady that is handy in the kitchen.  The way to my heart is through my stomach.  Well anyway, I was in this group and we were making French toast or what we call Freedom toast if we are patriots, which I'm rooting for the Giants in the Super Bowl so I don't want to hear that term in any good way and I love French toast and it wasn't Freedom toast at the time anyway and I don't want Freedom to remind me of patriotism which will remind me of Brady throwing 10 touchdowns next Sunday so we will just call it French toast.  We were making French toast in this group and there were 5 of us; if you were in my group remind me because I can't remember or I would give you a shout out.  One of my duties was to dip the bread in the eggs, milk, cinnamon, vanilla mixture.  We had to make 6 pieces.  I dipped the first one in and went to sift the powdered sugar.  I forgot that the piece was in there and it absorbed almost the entire mixture.  My group was busy doing other things.  This piece of toast weighed at least a pound.  It was heavy.  I remember handing it to the cook and it was dripping with the egg goo.  I then was asked to prepare the next piece of bread.  I only had enough mixture to cover 1/2 of the bread.  and I had 4 more pieces to go after that.  I didn't know what to do.  Needless to say I cost my entire group a D on the project.  Sorry guys.

Here's a stupid video Stuart and I did filmed at the Taco Bell in Newport:

Winner of the Day:Hugo.  It is Martin Scorsese's most recent film.  It leads this year's Oscars with 11 nominations.  Martin is known for his violent gangster movies, but his wife read the book and basically said to make something his daughter can actually watch so that's why he did it. The story.

Loser of the Day: Mustard Seeds Childcare.  Why did they hire this girl (okay so it's Ludlow but still)?  She looks insane.  And they let her work around kids and she found yet another use for duct tape by taping a kid to the floor.  And fix your name.  Nothing screams bring my child here more than mustard seeds. Read me. 

Quote of the Day: The hardest struggle of all is to be something different from what the average man is. – Charles M Schwab

Song of the Day: Purple Rain by Prince

What were you thinking over and over again of the day?:

Friends

I am writing this blog today from the comfort of my own home.  My readers usually expect these in the morning, but I hope they like a little night cap.  I am getting fairly busy at work so I'm going to try to write my blog in the evenings because I have a million thoughts swirling in my head I'd love to share with you all.  Friends come in all shapes and sizes, races and gender, ages and income levels.  You may see some daily and others you may see once a year.  We all have that friend who will have your back no matter what.  You can fight with them and the next day you both shake it off like nothing happen.  We have the friend who we call when we are in trouble and know they will be there to help with no questions ask and expect nothing in return.  They forgive and forget.  They see you laugh and see you cry.  They pick you up when you are feeling down and help you with questions when you are stuck at work.  They pick up your heart when it is ripped to pieces and put it back again.  They help you through relationships; support you even if they don't always approve.  They are critical, but only because they care.  They know what you are going to order even before you even know.  They put you first when others put you last and make you feel better just by ripping off a one liner.  They meet you for lunch when you have no one else to ask.  They defend you when you aren't there.  They treat you like a brother.  They let you lean on their shoulder when the times get rough and you return the favor whenever you can.  Good friends don't have to brag or gloat; they are just part of your script that is life.  They are there to tell your stories when you can't remember.  They are there to celebrate when you graduate or get a promotion.  They pick up right where they left off even when you go weeks without seeing them.  They are there to talk when all you want to do is chat.  They will take you in when you have nowhere else to go.  They are your friends.  I would say, "Just say thank you,"  but don't because they already know.  Don't forget to be the best friend you can be, because you never know when someone needs you most. To my friends, I love you all.