What Women Want, Hogzilla, Keychains, and Cell Phones

It is basketball season, and I haven't really written much about sports in a long time.  I think it may be because for some weird reason, most of my readers are females. I'm not complaining.  Growing up with two sisters and since I'm a momma's boy, I do relate to females and understand what they are thinking, or so I believe.  I've always liked "What Women Want" with pre-insane Mel Gibson. It is one of my favorite non-Matt McConaughey romantic comedies ever.  He was able to hear what every woman was saying.  It's a ridiculous romantic comedy from the 90's (I wish things were still like they were in the 90's on a side note. The world sucks now). 

Anyway, wouldn't it be crazy to hear what the opposite sex were thinking?  Well ladies, you probably wouldn't want to, because tapping into a man's brain would be like, "Sex. Sports. Food. Repeat."    But men, wouldn't it be cool?  That is if any man is reading this.  We will get to basketball in a second so hang in there.  My one beef with the movie is why would Mel's character (I'm terrible with character names so I will refer to them by the actor's names) choose Helen Hunt over Marisa Tomei?  Sure one works at a coffee shop while the other is a big shot at his company, but let's review here: 

                                Mel and Helen from the movie            Mel and Marisa from the movie

1. Marisa is way hotter than Helen. 
2. Marisa doesn't work with Mel so he can get a break from time to time.  
3. George Castanza blew it with Marisa on Seinfeld (I know this has nothing to do with proving my point but I did love that episode).
4. Marisa seems more fun and more willing to have a good time.
5. Helen is too uptight.

I get why he chose her though, because it was in the script.  And he was going for what he can't have which is attractive to most people (don't push the red button syndrome). Anyway, I'm getting way off track.  I planned on writing about basketball.  Everyone knows I grew up a fan of the Kentucky Wildcats college basketball team and I am a homer.  I follow all of their careers in the NBA.  My favorite NBA players are probably all Wildcats but I do like other players too.  I have decided to list my top five NBA non-UK players of all time.  It would be easy to put you know, Michael Jordan, Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, Magic Johnson, or Larry Bird.  But I like the under appreciated guys:

5. Karl Malone.  He's probably the best overall player on this list.  The guy was tough.  He was called the Mail Man, because he always delivered.  The guy lead his team to the finals a few times, but never won it all.  He is on my list because a friend of mine knew him and Karl actually got one of his finals teams to autograph a pennant for me. He also wrestled.

4. Dennis Rodman. He may be the greatest rebounder of all time.  They called him The Worm.  He has lived a crazy life but dude was as bad as he wanted to be.  He did whatever he wanted and didn't care what anyone else thought of him.  He won some titles.  He played with the Bad Boys in Detroit and with Michael in Chicago on the greatest team of all time.  He dyed his hair often which made him stand out.

3. Shquille O'Neal. Now how can you not love this guy?  He's a walking one liner.  His jokes are almost as funny as mine.  They called him The Diesel, which helped me develop the name, Pat Diesel for my cousin.  He was also a beast of a player.  He won multiple championships.  He also starred in Kazaam, where he played a 7 foot genie, and had a video game called Shaq-Fu.

2. Dikembe Mutumbo.  This dude was a block machine and he knew it.  The guy would wave his finger after blocking a shot and rubbed it in the face of whoever he blocked.  He is now in one of the funniest Geico commercials I have ever seen.  I just can't help but laugh when I saw him play or heard him talk.

1. Rasheed Wallace.  I never could figure out why he had that random bald spot.  He has a title and possible record for most technical fouls.  The dude was a badass and enforcer who could hit threes.  I remember his early days in Portland when he and Arvydas Sabonis would chuck up threes from all over the place.  I also loved when he played alongside my boy Tayshaun in Detroit.

Winner of the Day: Madeira High School. They busted ten high school girls for sexting.  One of them is as young as 14.  Back when I was 14, we all didn't all have cell phones.  The chunky Nokias weren't invented yet.  It almost got me involved in a fight one time.  Robert, my friend, was telling me this story walking home one day.  He was telling me about this weird guy was walking behind him while he headed to school.  The man asked Rob if he had a cell phone in his hand.  It of course wasn't a cell phone.  It was a key chain.  How the man got a key-chain and cell phone mixed up I have no idea, but this was back in the day so I guess it's plausible.  Rob was telling me this story after school and the dude  came from an opposite street, and said, "Hey dude. That was me."  I immediately ran.  I told I was going to go call the cops.  The man got up in Rob's face.  He didn't back down.  Some how Rob talked himself out of a beatdown.  Read about the Madeira students here.

Loser of the Day: Fox Chase Apartments.  This is the apartment complex right next to my condo complex.  A suspicious death happened there last night and now I fear for my life. Read the Story Here.

Quote of the Day: "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -Gloria Steinem

Song of the Day: "Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle

Hogzilla of the Day:

Oscar Pistorius, Carnival Cruise, and murdering cops, + Ray Charles on top of all that.

I read the audience of my page today.  Apparently 20 times my page has been viewed by South Africans.  I don't really understand it.  I never really write about anything that appeals to them like apartheid,  Nelson Mandela, vuvuzelas or Bafana Bafana (which simply means the boys, the boys) and the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

And of course I've never written about Oscar Pistorius.  I never liked him.  I was in the minority about him when he was granted eligibility in this year's Summer Olympics.It was not fair for him to race against able bodies and people with all of their legs.  Now that sounds harsh, but Pistorius has no legs which means no leg muscles.  The guy can't cramp or get sore or tired without legs.  I know this seems like I have a lack of sympathy for him.  I do.  But his legs were just unfair to other athletes who can get injured.  Pistorius is now charged with murdering his girlfriend who is a super model in South Africa.  I think those two being together in South Africa is like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in the states, except with two legs instead of four and the  size of the lips are undoubtedly smaller. 

Pistorius and his girlfriend Reeva Sneencamp

The case has gotten crazy as the lead investigator ended up being charged with attempted murder himself.  I also find it disgusting that Pistorius blamed his legs for being the reason he shot his girlfriend through the door.  He claimed to be vulnerable with his legs, panicked when he thought an intruder entered his home and fired bullets into his locked bathroom.  He claims there was no struggle, but why was the door locked?  No one locks the door if they go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, especially if the only one there is your boyfriend.  I'm through with this subject.  I thought I would just talk a little South Africa for my fans over in that country.  Now South Africa is not the foreign country which views my blog the most.  The Russians love  me.  They for some reason have viewed my page 267 times.  Maybe it's because I'm such a pale skinned person, I look as though I am one of them.  I don't know.  

Enough about other countries; we are in the land of the free and the home of the brave, 'Murica.  America the Beautiful.  While Pistorius was over in South Africa slaying his woman, there was a cruise ship with over 4,200  passengers and crew floating with no power or electricity whatsoever.  There were terrible conditions as passengers started using there showers to relieve themselves with no water and the boat was moving at one mile an hour.  I'm not sure how that equates in knots (ship speed measurement) but I do know most people walk faster than a mile an hour.  It took the Carnival Cruise Ship days to get back to shore.  My first question was, this is 2013, why the hell can't they just move the people on to another ship?  It made no sense to me.  I heard the bus taking them to where they needed to be also broke down.  Talk about a bad week. That's worse than living a day in Lindsay Lohan's shoes.  I can't commit to going a week in her shoes.  That may be worse. Read About It here.  

While that ship was lost at sea, Christopher Dorner murdered two cops, a cop's daughter and fiance.  He wrote a manifesto on facebook, saying he would bring warfare down on the LAPD.  There are a lot of conspiracy thories about why he did it.  I believe he was probably bullied by the cops to do something unethical and he didn't want to do and the dude went nuts because he saw no way out.  Desperate men do desperate things. The man supposedly killed himself in a cabin after a long manhunt.  I don't know why he got Whitney Houston status for killing four people, but for some reason people ate up this story.  

Winner of the Day: #JoeyVotto.  Why did I put the hash tag on there?  Well on Twitter if you add #JoeyVotto to any of your tweets, it counts as a vote for Votto to win the face of the MLB contest on MLB Network.  So please go VOTE-O this week.

Loser of the Day: Ryan Braun.  This guy is a complete turd.  He beat the system last year on a technicality and now he's brought up with steroids again.  The guy is a liar and it's obvious you cheated.  Just come clean.  We aren't naive anymore.

Quote of the Day:Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something" - Proverb 

Song of the Day: "America the Beautiful" by Ray Charles

Thought of the Day:  If Stevie Wonder in his prime were to fight Ray Charles in his prime, I believe Ray Charles would win.  I only base that on his agressiveness from the movie.  He would be really agressive in several scenes and he could also take down Stevie with the dreads if it came down to it.

Oscar Review: Bennifer, Halle and the Heatmiser, Bill the Butcher, and Jennifer Lawrence

So I watched the Academy Awards last night.  My friend Rob had this party at his newly built house and we got some pizza, made some chili cheese dip, and watched them with a few friends of mine.  The only movie I had seen up to the Oscar's that was up for anything was Django Unchained, which I of course loved. 

I am a Quentin Tarantino die hard.  Pulp Fiction is my favorite movie of all time.  The way Tarantino develops his characters is a work of art.  Having written a few screenplays in my day, I know how difficult of a task character development is.  Django was a serious subject, inspired by Spaghetti Westerns, and had a dash of quirky comedy and violence that Tarantino is known for.  The first award given out on the night was to Christolph Waltz.  He has been nominated twice for two different roles in Tarantino movies and won both times he has been nominated.  Waltz does steal every scene he is in, as he did in Inglorious Basterds.  He does look quite odd without a beard.

Seth McFarlane hosted the show, which obviously they tried to gear the show towards a younger audience.  The Academy had tried this once before with James Franco and Anne Hathaway a few years ago which was an absolute disaster.  It is already a hard enough show to get through, and add to it terrible hosts. That's a no win situation. 

McFarlane was the best host I've seen in a while.  He actually got me to laugh a few times, which let's be honest, no one laughed last year at Billy Crystal except about how much larger his head has gotten as the years have gone by.  The intro last night went on way too long.  The William Shatner sketch was funny and unexpected, but I could have gone without the dancing skit with Harry Potter and Joseph Gordon Levett.  The best part of McFarlane's hosting was the Boob Song which you can see below.

The show did drag for too long, which the Oscar's seem to do every year.  I wish they could cut out a lot of those costume design and technical awards and give those out pre show like the Grammy's do with pointless awards but The Academy insists on them being part of the show.  The tribute to the Bond Films was kind of boring and went on far too long as well.  I think they just wanted an excuse to put Halle Berry on stage.  She is nice to look at even with that Heatmiser/Don King hair she had last night.  I almost ruined the longest relationship I've ever had early on when I met my ex girlfriend, and later on she text me and asked me what I thought of her.  I said, "You're no Halle Berry," and of course that hurt her feelings and it took us about a month to see each other again, but it did last three years so I some how won her over.  I think it is my wittiness  sexiness, and of course uncanny charm.

 

                             Don King                                                Heatmiser                               Halle Berry 2013 Oscar's

                                                                  Me this past Halloween

The biggest surprise of the night for me was Jennifer Lawrence winning best actress.  I have yet to see Silver Linings playbook.  It's on my list to see along with Argo, Flight, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Les Miserables, Zero Dark Thirty and Lincoln. I did see her in The Hunger Games and she did alright in that.  I can't judge her and say it was a complete surprise she won but I wasn't expecting it.  She did trip and fall on her way up to accept the award which was humiliating but she made light of it when she accepted.  If only she was as good at walking up steps as she is at archery.  

Argo won best picture.  I guess I should've said SPOILER ALERT, but if you are reading a review you have to expect this.  I assumed it was going to win since it cleaned up the J.V. awards.  Ben Affleck has come a long way.  He started on a high with Good Will Hunting and winning an original screenplay Oscar then he starred in movies like Gigli and Armageddon.  He co-starred along side his teeth in Armageddon.  He definitely got them whitened or something before he starred in that movie. He dated J-Lo and became Bennifer.  He dated J-Lo right after Puffy did.  Does she have a random taste in men or what?  You can't get much different than those two.  He is now on top of the world though, directing Gone Baby Gone, The Town , and now best picture winner, Argo.  I plan on buying Argo soon as I plan to own every best picture winner since my birth year of 1985.  Argo looks very good from the previews and everyone says it is really good.  Ben deserved a best director nomination but for some reason didn't get the nod.  It makes no sense to direct the best picture but not get nominated for best director.  It seems silly.

Daniel Day Lewis won best lead actor which he looks like Abe Lincoln in the movie and that's all Jamie Foxx needed to win for Ray so that sounds about right.  It's his third time winning for best male lead so he's turning into the male Meryl Streep.  He is a great actor though so he deserves it.  He really deserves four because I don't know how he didn't win for his portrayal of Bill the Butcher in Gangs of New York, one of the greatest characters of all time.

                                                         Daniel Day Lewis as Bill the Butcher

Overall grade for the Oscar's?  C+.  I'm not going to give it above a C until they don't make me stay up until midnight on a work night.  The host was better but not all the way there yet.  He's like a G rated version of Ricky Gervace.  None of the speeches really had a 'moment.'  

We Found Dove

So after posting a status and tweet earlier, "We Found Dove in a Hopeless Place" I felt the need to expand on it and write the entire song:

Yellow arm pits in the light.
And we're smelling side by side
As your grossness crosses mine
What will help us smell alright?

It's the way I'm stinking I just can't deny
But I wanna smell good though

We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place

You can see the suds through the shower door
Dove and I lath-er right
Cover my body as the water pours
Gosh, Dove was a per-fect find


It's the way I'm stinking I just can't deny
But I wanna smell good though


We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place




Yellow arm pits in the light.
And we're smelling side by side
As you grossness crosses mine
What will help us smell alright?


We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place


We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place
We found dove in a soapless place

My First Week with Diabetes, and the Price of Insulin

When I was 12 years old, I started having this feeling.  I had to pee a lot and I became more and more thirsty as days went on.  This was right around the time that Surge came out.  I remember because I was on a field trip to Bellewood Lanes with my sixth grade class.  I remember trying Surge for the first time.  I was hooked like many other kids of my generation.  My love affair with the drink wouldn't last long.  I remember feeling pretty weak that day at the bowling alley.  I remember contributing it to fatigue, because I was a pretty active kid.  I know most of you find that hard to believe, but yeah I threw it down back then.  I was on a basketball team at the time.  I somehow was a starter which makes no sense to me but I am sure I was just as beastly then as I am now.  The Blackout is coming in March people.  Fear It.  Anyway, this isn't about my wonderful skills in basketball or my love of Surge.  As the week went on I began to get more and more thirsty.  I remember my mom saying, "David, you may have diabetes."  I ignored her and she didn't force me to get checked out, mostly because she knew I wasn't ready for the news.  Diabetes.  That word just sounds scary to a sixth grader.  The only thing I ever heard about diabetes back then was people getting their legs amputated, being confined to a wheelchair, and old people dying from it.  Of course me, a 12 year old, couldn't have it.  

Me on the far right, around the age of 12, maybe 13.  I am terrible at the guess your age game.  I could never work at King's Island. Yes I am the one wearing the nWo Wolfpac shirt.

Days went by, and I began going to the bathroom more and more frequently.  I began getting weaker and weaker.  My tongue began drying up if I didn't have a drink on me at all times.  The amazing thing is, I still went to school.

The Moment of Truth

I believe it was a Thursday night; I could be wrong about the day but I remember this happening.  I was sitting downstairs watching television and I could barely keep my eyes open.  I was too weak to walk normally.  My sisters were trying to make me feel better so they invited me to play my favorite game on Sega Genesis.  My favorite game to play was NBA Live 95.  Hands down.  The game was ahead of its time, giving Dennis Rodman dyed hair on the Spurs. 

The year was 1997 though so the game was getting old to me.  Around the time of this story, my favorite game was TinyToon All Stars.  It was a game that had multiple sports you could play using the TinyToon characters.  I remember there being bowling and soccer.  I can't think of the other sport.  I'm not going to Google it and cheat either.  Speaking of Google, they are getting on my nerves lately.  I will leave it at that.  Okay I just looked up the case and I discovered it was basketball.  That is the sport I somehow forgot even though, besides diabetes, basketball is the biggest topic in this blog.

I was playing the game with my sister, but I remember being so weak, I couldn't push the button on the controller.  I remember falling asleep with the controller in my hand.  I woke up all through the night, having to urinate and drink.  It was terrible.  I still somehow willed myself to school.  My mother was a teacher at the school so I guess it wasn't that scary that I went in.  When I woke up, I remember running immediately downstairs to the water faucet and peeling an entire layer of skin from my tongue and splashing water into my mouth.  I still have no idea how I went to school.  I literally lasted 15 minutes until I went to my mother's room and told her I had to leave.  She took me to the teacher's lounge and bought me a drink and had my aunt pick me up.  She drove me to her place where she basically torchered me because she wouldn't allow me to drink anything but liquid jello every half hour.  I needed more drink than that.  I laid helpless waiting for my mother to pick me up and take me to the doctor.  Time went by so slow, and I was extremely dehydrated.  I almost passed out several times, but I willed myself to stay awake.  I began thinking if I fell asleep I may not awake.  3:30 could not come soon enough.  My mom picked me up and drove me to the doctor.  We stopped at a market near the office so I could drink a large slushee.  I drank the entire thing in less than two minutes.  The rest of my memories occur in flashes.  I remember sitting in the doctor's office, and the nurse pricking my finger.  I remember the decorations and the wallpaper.  The room seemed to be for patients around 2 years old.  I remember the paper you sit on at the doctor's making noises as I moved around nervously.  I remember then the doctor looking at the monitor.  "David," he said, "your life is going to change.  You have diabetes."  I, in that moment, thought my life was over. I began crying.  I still to this day, have never cried so much and so uncontrollably as I did on that day.  The doctor explained to my mom that my blood sugar was too high to register on their in-office monitor and I needed to go to the hospital immediately.  I then remember waiting to leave while my mother gathered information from the doctor.  I vomited up the blue slushee.

I then remember going to the hospital and my little sister playing with me in the wheel chair while my parents handled the insurance stuff and registration.  I remember her singing and pushing me up and down the hallways.  I remember after that doctors saying they have no idea how I wasn't in a coma as my blood sugar was over 1,000 (that is unheard of).  That is the last I remember of that day.  I remember leaving, and having to eat at scheduled times and having measured out food and being overwhelmed.  I remember meetings with dietitians, and the scary first time shopping and having to look at nutrition facts and carbohydrates.  I remember learning about the pancreas and the difference in type 1 and type 2 diabetes.  I remember my basketball team throwing a welcome back David celebration after a game.  I remember Diet Red Cream soda and Diet Faygo Orange.  I remember being really scared but thinking I was cool to be able to eat snacks in school.  

Fast Forward to Now

Nowadays, technology allows me to not have to eat on a set schedule.  I no longer take shots.  I now wear an insulin pump which gives me insulin throughout the day and I program in my meals.  Type 1 diabetics are insulin dependent which is why I am unable to take pills or diet to get better.  I have had my ups and downs, including passing out twice to low blood sugars but I am working on improving. 

Why Bring All Of This Up?

The reason I bring all of this up is because of how much debt this disease puts me in.  My insulin costs about $119.00 a month with insurance.  I also pay over $1,000 for a 3 month supply of equipment per month, not to mention the medical bills.  I get no relief for anything.  I was starting to think of how ridiculous it is that I pay so much money just to live.  Something is not right in the process.  How much money do the makers of insulin receive?  I mean, it's kind of a monopoly.  I can not live without it, literally.  They could charge a million a pop for it and I'd still have to pay.  Why can't their be some relief?  Do you blame the doctors? The insurance?  Who to blame?  I never complain about having diabetes.  In fact I usually hide it from others.  I don't want to be a burden on them.  I thought I received the worst news of my life when I was 12 years old. Little did I know that not only I would be affected physically and emotionally, but also severely financially.  Nothing I do gets me ahead. My life will forever be filled with payment plans.  I just plead that whoever is being greedy about the price of this stuff, would they please lower the price?

Another Inspirational One.

To my friends,

I hope you follow your heart before you follow your mind,
Take risks, never give up, and of course always be kind,
Never sell-out, and think of others before you think about you,
Make someone smile everyday, keep old friends but make room for new,
Don't judge, believe in fate, and keep a smile on your face,
Mind your own business, don't start rumors, and keep a steady pace,
Go with the flow, don't be so uptight, and laugh when you can,
Climb a mountain, jump out of a plane, fly like Peter Pan,
Live while your here, check things off of your bucket list,
Help someone when you can, use the mind and never the fist,
Don't take anything for granted, and never get taken over by greed,
Talk less, listen more, whenever you find a chance, do a good deed,
Stay optimistic, shoot for the stars, and slow down once in a while,
Take the road less traveled now and then, even if it's an extra mile,
Never take more than you need, and get up and try again if you should fall,
Stand up for what you believe in, and never give up if backed against a wall,
Always tell the truth, give God a fighting chance, and never practice self pity,
Don't tattle on someone else, never back down, and explore the country and the city,
Get the most out of life, and be the best you can be is all I'm trying to say,
Enjoy the blog and I hope I inspired someone in any sort of way.

Peace

Life is What you Make It

Hello everyone,

I apologize for my lack of writing these past few days.  I have been really busy at work so time did not allow me to entertain the masses.  While I was on my hiatus, I received a blog comment from an anonymous reader on a post I had about a year ago.  The blog was written about the passing of my neighbor, Ron Losey.  It can be read here, Heaven Landed a Hell of a Man Last Night.  Anyway, someone posted a comment on there, and I'm pretty sure I know who it is, but it was out of line. You can read it below.

My first reaction was to slam the person for many reasons unrelated to this blog.  The person responsible for this comment doesn't want me to write about the way they view their own family and how they have stooped so low in the past to call out multiple people in my life who have passed.  What kind of person takes a shot at the dead?  Very few, which is why I narrowed it down to this person.  I will not mention their name because I respect this person way more than they respect me.  The person isn't even worthy of writing about but I am spending time on this topic because I don't understand how someone can live a life full of hate?  Hate takes more energy than any other emotion.  If you actually spend time hating someone, you are probably giving them the attention that they want.  This person who wrote this comment has so much hate built up in them, it's oozing out more than the amount of times they overused ellipses in the comment.  You don't have to read this blog if you don't want to.  No one is making you, but you referenced 2 of my blogs in this comment so you must be enjoying yourself.  Thank you for the page views. I'm glad to be writing at a 6th grade level, because I at least know that ... is an ellipses and there is really only need for one period after each sentence, so get off your ever long period and start smiling.  Hate makes you miserable.  It doesn't do anything to you.  I have had disagreements in the past and my heart was filled with hate, but it never solved anything for either side.  I forgive a lot now.  It may take some time for certain things, but learn to shake hands.  My mom always says, "Life is what you make it," so if you want to be miserable, go and be miserable, but keep it to yourself.  Don't take it out on others just to make yourself feel better.  Before you start judging everyone else, start with yourself.  Look in the mirror. Be kind.  That is always my mother's number one rule and it is a good rule of thumb.