The Franchise Fails

The big thing in baseball this year is The Franchise Four where each team will elect four players from their history who best represents their respective teams.  You can vote for them here: Vote for the Franchise Four. In light of this and as requested by the legendary Goodness Gracious James Ball of fire, I decided to do the Reds' Franchise Fails as I am a Reds fan.

We all know the legend of the Big Red Machine and the great 8 and all that.  The Reds have a great history: Rose, Bench, Morgan, Perez, and Concepcion (among others) from the Big Red Machine and even before that, Frank Robinson and The Great Ted Klusewski, or Big Klu as Dustin Hoffman would say in Rain Man.

After the Big Red Machine players like Larkin and Davis showed how the Reds were best represented, so there are no shortage of players to pick for the Franchise Four.  My picks if you are curious are:

1. Johnny Bench (who was a key component of the machine and possibly the greatest catcher of all time, and George Clooney is a big fan so he's doing something right)

2. Joe Morgan (also a B.R.M. guy and a badass, the elbow twitch he did at the plate made all the ladies ga ga in the stands)

3. Barry Larkin (the last captain for the Reds.  He had big shoes to fill after taking over for Davey Concepcion, a fan favorite and boy he did.  He helped the Reds win a 'wire to wire' World Series in 1990 and played his entire career in his hometown)

4. Pete Rose (I know he bet on baseball and all that but the dude lived and breathed Reds baseball.  He was a hometown kid who had hometown grit and played the game how it was supposed to be played.  He played the game with attitude in a blue collar city that appreciated it)

Now to the point you've all been waiting for, the Franchise Fails.  As you know, this year's Reds team has a pitcher on it named Kevin Gregg. He was a non roster invite to Spring Training and somehow made the team.  On Opening Day, he gave up a game-tying two run homer and hasn't looked back since then.  He is the inspiration for this list.  He will not make it as he's only been a Red for 2 months.  His tenure is already a gigantic fail though. He doesn't even deserve the effort in typing this up.

The Franchise Fails have to be more impactful than a journeyman reliever like Gregg.  They have had to have sucked so badly that the franchise actually suffered because of them and that leads me to another pitcher:

Franchise Fail #1: Jimmy Haynes.  Haynes won 15 games for the Reds in 2001.  That was amazing compared to the awfulness of the pitching staff at that point.  That got the Reds to give him a 2.5 million dollar deal to re-sign for one year. Haynes made only 5 appearances in 2002 while compiling a 9.6 ERA (pretty terrible for an ace).  Jimmy Haynes stunk so bad, you'd think he was the stinch from a pair of Haynes worn 3 days in a row.

Franchise Fail #2: Eric Milton. Milton had a pretty good reputation before joining the Reds.  He even pitched a no-hitter in 1999 for the Twins. After the 2004 season, he signed a three year deal worth $25 million dollars.  The dude went on to have an 8-15 record with a 6.47 ERA (one of the worst ERAS for a full time starter in NL history).  That's what happens when you put a fly ball pitcher in GABP. He gave up 29 homers in 26 starts the next season, and finally after 4 starts in 2007 had Tommy John surgery.  ESPN named him to the all-overpaid team and he deserved that.

Franchise Fail #3: Willy Taveras. Taveras had an okay career before signing a two year deal worth $6.25 million dollars in December 2008.  During his 2009 season with the Reds he had the lowest slugging percentage (.285) and worst on base percentage (.275) for all National League players with at least 350 plate appearances. Thankfully they traded him before 2010.  Jeeze, he made you miss Corey Patterson (who should be an honorable mention himself) and that's saying a lot. 

Franchise Fail #4: Brandon Larson. Larson was one of the most sought after infielders after his solid 1997 season with LSU.  He was drafted in the first round (14th overall) by the Reds in the draft. The dude was a monster in the minors, winning Reds minor leaguer of the year in 2003.  In 2004, he was brought up to the big leagues with tons of hype.  The guy only played in 40 games for the Reds and hit .212.  He was never heard from again.I don't even know how they managed to make an action baseball card of him.

So those are just a few of the fails.  There are plenty more. Paul Wilson comes to mind, along with Gary Majewski, Roberto Kelly, and others.  If you want to read a related blog I wrote regarding the Coolest Reds of all time, click here: 50 Coolest Reds, including starting lineup, 25 + 40 man rosters. Maybe this will take the bad taste out of your mouth of these fails of men.

Song of the Day: In honor of James Ball, Big Balls, AC/DC

How the Snuffleupagus helped me come up with 10 questions logical people would ask about Fictional Worlds. (Gifs Included)

So I was talking with my girlfriend last night and somehow the great muppet from Sesame Street, Mr. Snuffleupagus, was brought up. I came up with the question, how in the world does this species reproduce? The only known creatures of this species are family members of Snuffy.  He has no one to marry and so on.  He stays in a cave with his family, and according to Muppet Wiki, he is eternally 4 1/2 years old. The snuffleupagus is very similar to the elephant in size so I looked up some facts about elephants just for comparisons sake.

• According to allaboutwildlife.com , an elephant can live up to 60 and 70 years (if all goes well for the beast, which is rare). 
• According to elephanttag.org, male elephants begin producing sperm at 10-15 years of age.  

Reading about this and knowing Snuffy will stay 4 1/2 years old forever, he can never reproduce, which is a shame, but knowing he is technically immortal, it is safe to say that Snuggleupagi (I guess that is the plural) will never go extinct in the Muppet world. 

Mr. Snuffleupagus

This gave me an idea.  Why don't I do 10 questions logical people would ask about fictional worlds?

1. In Toy Story, how do the toys know exactly when Andy is coming?  Every time he says something when he walks in while the toys are all gathered together or something, which gives them a clue to get back to where they go.  But he can't always tip them off.  He had to have opened the door once or twice without them knowing when he's coming.  Just saying.

2. Speaking of Toy Story, why does Buzz play a toy when he feels like he is a real space ranger?  This makes no sense.  He talks all this smack when he's with the toys about being a real space ranger yet when a human walks in, BAM! He plays a toy.

3. In Rookie of the year, how in the world is Henry Rowengartner able to play in the Major Leagues?  As a baseball fan in Cincinnati, I know that the great Joe Nuxhall was the youngest player to play Major League Baseball at 15.  This was in 1944 (The record still stands today). Rowengartner is 12 in the movie.  When Rowengartner made his debut, it was long after MLB made a rule that no one younger than 16 can sign with a team.  So how did he get on the team legally?  Let's just not talk about it Hollywood.  No one will wonder. 

4. In Hey Arnold!can someone explain to me how he puts his shirt on?  His head is clearly larger than the collar allows to stretch. His shirt is not a button up.  This is just impossible. And how was he delivered at birth?  He can't possibly come natural out of the vagina; he must have been c-sectioned.

5. Why does Winnie the Pooh wear a shirt but no pants?  I'd rather him be topless than bottomless.  If there is a need in a fictional world of Pooh's existence to wear clothes, why give him a shirt with no pants. What the hell?

6. Why is it that no one can tell Clark Kent and Superman are the same dude?  It seems clear to me that all he does as a disguise is put glasses on.  When I take my glasses off everyone can still tell it's me, yet in his world, nope.  Everyone is clueless.

7. In Orange is the New Black, why are there never any officers in the chapel?  That's the place the characters like to get busy. No one is ever there to catch them in the act.  How can this be?  Low security or not, someone would be there.

8. In Breaking Bad, how does it take an amazing DEA agent like Hank to get suspicious about Walt being Heisenberg?  I love the show but Walt changed his appearance.  He always made lame excuses.  He started getting a temper.  A good DEA agent would notice this especially with Walt M.I.A. just plain missing for long periods of time.

9. In the Walking Dead, why do they insist on not covering themselves up with zombie odor to keep the zombies from noticing them?  This was a strategy that worked early on in season one, and they hardly use it anymore.  Why?  It keeps you from getting killed.  I don't care how bad it smells.  If your life is on the line, cover up.

10. How in the world do mermaids mate?  I know some of you out there think they are real which is absurd, but how are they mating?  They have human bodies but fish bottoms, with no reproductive organs.  How do they even urinate?

Diabetes Awareness Month, No Shave November, Least Favorite Local Athlete Commercials (2 athletes make it twice)

No Shave November

We are in the month of November and nothing says November like not shaving.  I happened to shave both my face and head on November because I was Freddie Mercury for Halloween (In the second picture I'm the one on the right in case you couldn't tell).

I dyed my hair and facial hair black and with my skin being so pale, it was best for me to shave my head and face.  Unfortunately this was on the first day of a tradition I have done for years which is to participate in "No Shave November."  I am a day behind but each day I will be taking a picture of myself, then placing all of the pictures in a video to show you all the progress of my hopefully beautiful beard.  My head hair is slow growing nowadays so I do not anticipate very much hair by the end of the month.  I know what you're thinking: "Yes! More David selfies."  You are welcome.  

Diabetes Awareness Month

November, on a more serious note, is also Diabetes Awareness Month.  Of course this is something near and dear to my heart as if you don't know by now, I have Type 1 Diabetes which is a very different disease than Type 2.  My girlfriend, Amy, brought to my attention two pictures that perfectly explain to people how different they are:

I heard this in one of the billions of Spiderman movies once or maybe even in the cartoon back in the day, "With great power comes great responsibility."  Well, my power is being diabetic.  I have this disease for a reason.  I believe in God, and God gave me this for a reason.  It taught me to be disciplined and patient.  It taught me that some things are just out of your control, but you can still contain.  I am also given this disease because I have a voice.  This will be my 142nd entry on this blog site and I have over 17,000 views so someone out there must be reading.  My responsibility is to reach out to you guys and let you know some facts about this disease.  I will start with some my sister posted yesterday:

Diabetes follows Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and yes breast cancer is an awful disease, and it kills an alarming number of people a year.  Type 1 Diabetes is a different kind of killer.  I look normal.  If I didn't tell you I had diabetes and you didn't see my pump connected to my body, you wouldn't know.  Every day though, this disease attacks me.  There have been no off days since I was first diagnosed at the age of 12.  It's there on the best and worst days of your life.  It makes its presence felt too.  If you are stressed, your blood sugar rises.  If you take certain medicines, your blood sugar rises.  Sometimes it rises for reasons you don't even know.  So what, you are thinking?  What's the big deal about high blood sugars?  Here are the effects:

High Blood Sugars

• You can get DKA, which is described below from the Diabetes.org website:

What if it Goes Untreated?

Hyperglycemia can be a serious problem if you don't treat it, so it's important to treat as soon as you detect it. If you fail to treat hyperglycemia, a condition called ketoacidosis (diabetic coma) could occur. Ketoacidosis develops when your body doesn't have enough insulin. Without insulin, your body can't use glucose for fuel, so your body breaks down fats to use for energy.

When your body breaks down fats, waste products called ketones are produced. Your body cannot tolerate large amounts of ketones and will try to get rid of them through the urine. Unfortunately, the body cannot release all the ketones and they build up in your blood, which can lead to ketoacidosis.

Ketoacidosis is life-threatening and needs immediate treatment. Symptoms include:

• Shortness of breath
• Breath that smells fruity
• Nausea and vomiting
• Very dry mouth

Talk to your doctor about how to handle this condition.

- See more at: http://www.diabetes.org/living-with-diabetes/treatment-and-care/blood-glucose-control/hyperglycemia.html#sthash.Cs2G96DJ.dpuf

• You can develop neuropathy, which is something that has happened to me.  You begin to get numbness in your hands and mostly feet.  They begin to tingle and also very sensitive to heat or cold.  In severe cases, it can attack your organs.
• It can cause a coma.
• Kidneys can shut down or begin to not work properly.

These are just a few of the many effects high blood sugars can cause, especially over time.  Doctors moderate your blood sugar levels through a blood test called a hemoglobin A1C which shows basically an average number your blood sugar was over a 3 month span.  Speaking of blood sugar levels, a normal person's blood is between 60 and 120.  I diabetic person's levels would come in higher than that.  High blood sugars have a long term effect on you and in Lehman's terms, eventually kill you.  Low blood sugars also can have a very negative effect on you short term.  If you over correct with insulin, your body could get sweaty and shaky.  I know I sweat like a monster when I'm low.  My eyes also have trouble seeing things in real time.  I have also passed out twice from low blood sugars.  Many people go into seizures from extremely low blood sugar levels.  

This is why it is so difficult for us diabetics.  There are consequences if you go too high or low, but we are human.  There are good days and bad days.  Sometimes we don't feel like doing it that day, or sometimes we forget to program in a meal or we don't feel good, but we suffer consequences for those days.  Diabetes is a serious and fatal disease that needs just as much awareness as any cancer or AIDS or any other disease.

My favorite charity for Type 1 Diabetes is JDRF and here is their website: http://jdrf.org/.  You can show your support by making a video on their site which I will be participating in and also changing your profile pic on any social media site to this below:

Read more about my struggles with diabetes at the below links:

• http://davidbrooks1985.blogspot.com/2014/09/20-things-only-juvenile-diabetics-will.html
• http://davidbrooks1985.blogspot.com/2014/05/diabetes-my-battles-please-donate-to.html
• http://davidbrooks1985.blogspot.com/2013/11/i-have-peripheral-neuropathy-and.html
• http://davidbrooks1985.blogspot.com/2013/01/my-first-week-with-diabetes-and-price.html
• http://davidbrooks1985.blogspot.com/2011/11/patrice-oneal-his-battle-with-diabetes.html

Least Favorite Local Athlete Commercials

Now that all the serious stuff is out of the way, here are my top 5 least favorite local athlete commercials...this list was compiled after talking with a coworker about how horrible the local Elk and Elk commercials were and it spawned into talking about Carson Palmer's John Morrell commercial which, in turned, made me come up with this list, but first here are father and son, Elk and Elk and their famous comb-overs:

5. Carson Palmer//John Morrell-Carson may have left us in Cincinnati for greener pastures in his eyes, but Carson left us this gem of a commercial that will live in this city forever.  Check out the referees.

4. Pete Rose// Kool-Aid- There terribleness of this commercial was saved by the Kool-Aid man (I have a soft spot in my heart for him) when he bursts through the wall.  Pete is ridiculous in it though.

3. Bronson Arroyo//Champion Ford- Bronson makes cheesy comments but even worse, he cusses in the commercial.  Did this actually air?

2. Pete Rose//Muenchens- Pete and his trophy wife try to help sell some furniture.  His acting and hat....both bad.

1. Bronson Arroyo and Chris Welsh//J.T.M.-The lyrics are bad; the acting is worse.  I actually like both Arroyo and Welsh but when you are first of all promoting J.T.M. which is awful with a bad song, and an awkward mustached sad man, you get to be my least favorite commercial.

Not my Week, Obamaphone, Breaking Bad and Boomhower

So this week started with the Bengals losing to the Browns. They looked more like the 2002 Bengals instead of the team that knocked off Green Bay just one day earlier.

Just as that tragedy was being written in Cleveland, the Reds were busy getting swept by the Pirates, the same team they would be playing in Tuesday's wildcard playoff game. They didn't seem excited nor did they look like they played with any sense of urgency. They would later fall to the pirates in that playoff game. They played, it seemed with no enthusiasm or heart and it was more of a slow death rather than the shocker that happened in last year's playoffs.  The sad part of the game was that the big money players (i.e. Phillips, Bruce, and Votto) played with what seemed like no heart.

Congratulations though to the Pirates who earned it and their fans deserved it except that one kept punching Mat Latos' wife in the back of the head which is a shame.

Let's go back to Sunday. One of my top five shows of all time went off the air, Breaking Bad. The writing on that show was spectacular and the characterization, acting and directing was second to none. Vince Gilligan, the creator's premise was to turn Mr. Chipps into Scarface and that he did over five amazing seasons. He went out on top and on his own terms which is rare for any show. The ending did solve things which is better than any 'fade to black' ending and I definitely appreciated although the final episode would not make my top 5 episodes of the show. I am still in mourning over the show going off the air. I will be sad to see it go and I'm not sure there's anything on right now that compares other than maybe Mad Men. 

Yes that is an original drawing by me with the iconic sketch from the show that I drew to the best of my abilities. As you all know my talent is writing and not drawing but that is my first career self portrait and some say I look like a love child of Hank Hill and Boomhower from King of the Hill but I believe I look pretty sexy if I do say so myself. 

Anyway, I apologize that you had to get through all that boring stuff to get to what I wanted to write about I don't normally bury the lead but I wanted you to feel all the buildup of this terrible week to get to what happened today which is a ridiculous story that may be entertaining to you so I thought I'd share it. Well for about a week or so I've been nursing a red eye. Well it was sort of in both eyes so I attributed to allergies. My doctor had me taking this over the counter allergy medicine for eyes and Zyrtec. Well I was actually taking Kroger brand Zyrtec because for some reason real Zyrtec is through the roof expensive. All medicine costs too much so don't even get me started on that. Anyway it wasn't really cleaning up my eye. It kept getting worse until it became bloodshot red. People have been asking me to get it checked out like coworkers Mindy and Mitch so finally I went to the nurse at work. Turns out I have this rare form of pink eye which in my case should be called bloodshot red eye which is highly contagious. Anyway they send me home from work and I drive to Kroger to get my prescriptions. I decided to go through the drive-thru.  First of all, the car in front of me was pulled into the drive-thru backwards. What the hell right? So I waited a mile away so they could pull out so I can pull in the right way. I know, I know. That's what she said. I finally get pulled in there and the lady said they only had my antibiotic and not my eye gel. Please don't call it a gel lady because that sounds nasty. I prefer drops. Well they said they'd have it tomorrow. I was thinking to myself "lady can't you see my eye is redder than the inside of the sun. I need it now!" I ask her to see if any other Kroger in the area has it. The Kroger in Newport has the drug. Thank God. I couldn't get off my high horse yet though. The prescription is $47. She said that she just wanted to let me know. Well thanks lady. I could go buy a video game with that kind of coin and you say it as "oh by the way." I told her I'd call and see if my doctor had any alternatives. She then preceded to check me out with the antibiotic which was only $4. She sent me a slip to sign and I go to put my debit card and Kroger card into the tube and bam I forgot to put my car in park so I moved up some. My hand held onto the Kroger card but not my debit card. By now there is a car behind me waiting to go. I have to put the car in park and get on my hands and knees looking for this card. I, embarrassingly tell the woman I lost my card. After looking for it I noticed it had fallen into this slot on this tube machine that is impossible to get anything from. The employee and her manager brought brooms and flyswaters out to try and get it, but failed. I then, with my highly contagious eye, go into 5/3 bank to cancel my card, which was stolen two weeks prior and I just got, and ask for a new one. I then go to the pharmacy and ask for them to just get my $47 prescription filled at Kroger because  I'm over dealing with all of it. So that is how my week has gone and it is only Wednesday that's not even mentioning the lingering pain and nerve problems I've been having in my hands and feet. I'm still keeping a smile though and I hope this ridiculous story made some if you laugh. Beware I'm posting my eye next but in order to get to the "of the day" section you will have to scroll past it.

Winner of the Day: The I Phone 5. I usually write these things at work but since I got sent home and my damn computer is cracked I wrote this whole thing on the Blogger app which doesn't have as many features but it got the job done!!

Loser of the Day: Obamaphone. Until my sister Laura brought Obamaphone up yesterday I did not know it existed. I could talk about government shutdown and Obamacare and all that. I have opinions but it is best I keep them to myself. Obamaphone however is crazy. They give people on welfare a cell phone and a plan. These people aren't getting the Jitterbug which is what they should be getting if this plan exists with basic features. They're getting IPhones which I'm paying an arm and a leg for and now I'm paying for theirs.

Quote of the day:

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Song of the Day: "Fly Away" by Nelly--look it up on YouTube. I have no idea how to post it on this app.

The just give it up hair of the day: