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Friday, November 11, 2011

Relationship Advice Column Edition 7: Letting Go, and 3 Stages in 3 years

Today, I will write about letting go. How long must it take to get over your ex?  Well Charlotte from Sex and the City addresses this in the Take me out to the Ballgame episode...She says, "It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them."  


This is fairly true.  I mean if you went out with someone a month, it is supposed to take two weeks to get over it according to this theory or if you date a year, I guess you are supposed to take a whole six months to get over someone.  Charlotte's quote is something I've preached to many girls over the years as they came to me with advice on feelings they still have for their exes.  Of course, there are exceptions.  If you are in a relationships where you don't have feelings for the other person, or you are with them just because you feel sorry for them (which you should never do so please don't stay with someone just because you feel sorry for them.  Someone very close to me had a relationship that lasted at least 6 months longer than it should have because she felt sorry for him when he fed her a sob story every night), it will take less time to get over the person.  In long term relationships like 20 year marriages that end in divorce is also an exception.  Never should you sit around for 10 long years getting over the guy.  First of all you are older and deserve to find love so get to it.  I'm not saying the day you become free go to a bar and pick up a dude, it will still take time, but not 10 years worth of time.  


My longest relationship was a little over three years.  I always say the first year is the PUPPY LOVE STAGE and there will be small arguments maybe but nothing truly disastrous unless someone turns out to be someone they aren't or cheats then the puppy love stage can end quickly along with the relationship.  The second year, you really get to know the person, the KEEPIN IT REAL STAGE. The little things will begin to irritate you and even just the person's voice is intolerable or other nit picky things like that. This stage is tough to get through.  If you've done it, congratulations.  It's like the terrible 2's.  The third year is called the CAN WE REALLY DO THIS STAGE.  A lot of couples will find themselves going through the motions of a relationship in this stage.  They will go out to dinner with no magic, and the dude will invite the girl to a movie and she'll be like "ehh."  This is the time when you have to make a decision is this something you want to pursue.  Arguments may get stronger especially if the person isn't for you.  If you are just going through the motions in this stage, the relationship should end now.  There comes a time when you have to cut the string when you don't see a future.  It's not fair to you or the other party involved to drag the relationship on.  It's always best to end a relationship sooner rather than later when you know it's not right because you are lying to yourself and the other person if you stay with them and it just gets harder as time goes on.


Anyway, my longest relationship was a little over three years, and I literally was devastated the first year.  I was in love.  She was in love.  We mutually ended the thing, but I think it hit both of us pretty hard.  It's okay if you are in something serious for a while to take your time to get over the person.  It's almost not even fair to jump into a relationship with someone else if your heart if even .000009% is stuck on you ex.  If they are cool with it, they have to understand there will be relapses of moments where you miss the ex or whatever because as Charlotte said, it takes half the time.  It should never take over half.  If that's the case you still love the ex, good or bad.  It depends on the situation on whether I'd advise to go back on it. Let go within half the time.  Give yourself a limit.  Don't live the rest of your life watching Beaches (although it is a good movie) with tissues and Ben and Jerry's.  Life's too short for that.  Get out there and live.  No guy/girl is worth moping over for good.  Not one.  Not even me. Well, maybe me.


Song of the Day: Puppy Love


Quote of the Day: "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."-unknown

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