Relationship Advice Edition 1: Topics Baby Mama Drama & The Friendzone

Hey everyone,


Here is the first edition of the relationship advice column that I will be doing on Fridays.  

Baby Mama Drama

From Reader: So my boyfriend got his daughter this weekend (which he hasn't seen her in 9 months because his ex is a sour bitch). Anyway getting back to the story getting his daughter was fine. I love her to death but ever since we got his daughter he's been texting his ex; nothing bad, mostly about his daughter an bs stuff but he called her darlin in one of his texts an took pictures that I took of his daughter this weekend out to his ex's moms house where his ex lives! Now apparently him an his brother have  been asked to do work out there on his ex's house which she doesn't live in her, 23 yr old son does, so apparently they will get paid to do this work however I am so furious!  is that wrong? when i confronted him about it he yelled at me an said whats wrong with you an hung up on me! What do u think? Am I wrong? I mean his ex has an epo on him (currently) and put him in jail for epo violation which was false because he was with me... however... I bailed him out! 


My Advice: You are not wrong to be upset.  Yes, when you have a child with someone you must deal with them in some way or another the rest of your life unless they choose to be a deadbeat or the lady doesn't want him around but seeing her recently seems to have triggered something inside of him to start remembering the good times he had with her.  I don't believe the working on the house stuff is a factor because he will be with his brother so nothing fishy can really go on.  When he denied you, that was a natural reaction but if he has nothing to hide, I'm not sure he would have had that reaction.  With that being said, I will say the following, it's probably just a short fascination in his head that he will never act on especially if he truly loves you which you would know better than I.  I will also say that it will eventually fade into nothing if he does love you.  Darling written in a text could mean nothing but could mean absolutely everything to the situation.  The fact that he allowed you to see the text makes me believe it is meaningless however if he tried keeping it from you and you looked at the text while he wasn't around then my thoughts changed.  But to answer your question, whenever an ex is involved it's okay to raise the ears and jealousy will naturally flow through your blood.  Chances are nothing is there but there is a possibility it could be an issue.  

The Friendzone

From Reader: I have a friend who met a guy who has just recently moved to the area...she really likes him BUT he is not wanting a girlfriend right now and prefers only a friendship....she is fine with being his friend but would like it to eventually turn into 

more....how does she avoid the dreaded friend zone?

Other Facts About the Issue:

• The friendship in new, just met a month or two ago.
• They are NOT friends with benefits; she decided to forego sleeping with him.

My Advice: The friendzone is dreaded but I think relationships can and have developed from friendships. She CAN'T sleep with him as just friends. I know its cliche but dont give the milk before you buy the cow or however it goes. She also can't turn into one of the guys. She can be buddy buddy, but avoid the term, lunch. Ask to go to dinner or just out. She's also got to give hints every now and then that she still wants it or he may never know. I have read and watched He's Just Not that Into You Though and there are rules. If he says he just wants to be friends that's probably what he wants, but there are exceptions. At some point, she's got to show him how life is without her there. Give him a reality check (this is down the road a little). See if he bites. When he texts, you can't answer. Even maybe confront him and stage a fight. Who knows as the friendship develops she may learn stuff about him she doesnt like or maybe she likes him even more. Flirt with him but don't over flirt. she may get jealous when he talks to other guys, don't let him know until the fight. He needs to see it all out there at once. She needs to become the chased, not the chaser.

Reader's Response:Well why not play a game?? I've always seen it very simply. Basically, you put people through a lot of crap in the beginning, whether to determine if they are worth your time or to determine if their reactions would make for a long term partnership. To me, I simply see it as a way to find out as much as you can about your mate in the shortest amount of time. Everyone can pretend to be perfect in the beginning of a relationship so as to hide their own crazy, but if you game play a little (or alot) you bring that person out of their control and can see their true colors. Like, you can always say you are truly against abortion until u are personally faced with that choice. Its the same esssentially, just scaled down to a smaller scale. We are in such a rush to find someone that we are not waiting to 

actually get to know a person so this is a way around that.

My Response:that all makes sense I like the other side of the view, but here's my problem...I'm real i will be the same towards someone on day 1 til day 100. I understand relationships are different and there is no right or wrong way to approach a potential relationship. I am guilty of games, and also a victim of said games, but I truly don't get it. I like your answer it makes it way more clear but why treat someone terribly when that isn't who you are why not just say this is who i am like it or not? No sugar coating this is me.

Reader's Response: Most people will never know who they really are and you know this is true. And most people don't really like themselves anyways. Therefore they think no one else will truly like them as well; the only way to get around this is to put on a facade. I don't usually see it though as them treating someone terribly because that is not who they are. No matter how good or bad of a person you are, you will eventually treat everyone, including those you care for terribly. There will always be a fight; playing games allow the player to control the fight while seeing how a playee will react during one. But playing games such as hard to get, in general it helps the player feel better about themselves in general. Now they are good enough that someone wants them. Additionally, they know that person wants them. No one can ever just come out and say what they want or mean, and even when they do, most women I know will over rationalize it. Like in my friends instance, does he really not want a relationship or does he just not like her or has he just broken up with someone and doesn't feel ready to put himself out there like that. You can never truly know a person to the point that you understand what is behind the words, especially in a new relationship. In all honesty, I do think Chauncey had it right when he told me that a relationship is almost always good in the beginning ( your fake stage) but once the honeymoon period is over is when you begin to know the other person and know whether or not this is the right relationship for you.

My Response: See I will piggyback that i've always said serious relationships are a 3 step process. 1. the puppy love stage (year one) there will be a fight here and there but its really all happy romantic and brand new. part of why i broke up with an ex, things already got boring in that stage...shouldn't happen. 2. the get to really know you stage. You gotta fight through the little things the significant other does that starts getting on your nerves. and the mask is off you find out who he or she really is and 3. the stay out of the same old routine. If things fall into a routine like just going through the motions that's not good, but if you find ways to keep it fresh, you'll be alright. there will be disagreements there will be fights but 

relationships are in the end give and take and nobody's perfect.

I must now rant about a a restaurant on this Talk Like a Pirate Day 2011.

Why must when you go to a restaurant for one reason only (chicken harvest soup) they at first tell you they have to make a new batch, and then come back and say they're out all the time trying to get you to get out of there quickly?  Yes O'Charlie's I'm speaking of you.

Winner of the day: Cornhole. Apparently it's "taking over the northeast."  I don't know but I've seen it for a while.  I guess people had trouble seeing through the cloud of red formed because of the large gathering of rednecks around said boards. The Story!

Loser of the day: These girls for beating up Spongebob.  Gosh he had a bad week.  First the study saying he is bad for kids and now this....VIDEO HERE!

Quote of the Day: "I like little weenies."-Mindy Merritt...TMI

Song of the Day: